Chapter 30 – You Can Kiss Me

TL: Kay (kkrivulet)

“Isn’t it cold?”

“It’s all right.”

“Your face is pale, but you can still speak well.”

Cabellenus clicked his tongue and hugged Alicia.

He should have expected it from the moment she said she had never experienced winter, but Alicia was very weak to the cold.

Since entering the territory of Schwarhan, she often shuddered even with a thick fur coat on.

“Aren’t you cold, Your Grace?”

“This cold is nothing compared to Schwarhan.”

It would get colder than this?

Alicia’s face turned paler as if she was sentenced to death.

When she first saw the fur coat, she thought it would be excessive, but it was not.

No matter how many layers of clothes she put on, she was scared that her whole body would freeze because of the chill that penetrated through.

“Just try to hang in there. It’ll be much better once we arrive at the castle.”

“Yes, okay.”

Even though she answered in a hurry, she was not okay at all.

In an attempt to endure the cold, Alicia squeezed Cabellenus’s hand even harder.

“You’re shaking like a newborn deer.”

“……Don’t make fun of me.”

“You’re able to say that now?”

“That’s because Your Grace said you like this side…….”

“That’s right. Good.”

With a light smile, Cabellenus pulled Alicia further into his coat.

“…….”

Alicia’s pale cheeks flushed red.

“When we arrive at the castle, I’ll get you a warm Pelee.”

“Pelee?”

“I’m talking about warmed alcohol.”

“Well, I’ve never drunk alcohol before. Will it be okay?”

“It’s alcohol, but it’s boiled in wine and other things, so you won’t get drunk.”

“Do you have such a drink?”

Alicia opened her eyes wide.

“It’s a drink of Schwarhan and one of the best along with Gillet.”

“What is Gillet?”

“It’s a type of strong alcohol. You drink it to fight the cold.”

“How strong is it?”

Like a child who had just learned to talk, Alicia had many questions, but Cabellenus did not consider it bothersome.

As she repeatedly asked questions with a curious face, he was only proud that she seemed to have grown one step further.

“It’s hot enough to light a fire. If you drink it, your throat will feel hot, as if burned. Oh, I only heard this, but I heard that a man died after drinking undiluted Gillet.”

“An alcohol that kills people?”

“Why? Do you want to try it?”

“No. I don’t like that.”

Alicia shook her head hastily, and Cabellenus’s smile deepened. He loved the warmth that wiggled in his arms.

“It’ll be difficult to adjust for a while when you arrive in Schwarhan.”

“Are you worried?”

“I’m telling you in advance that I won’t blame you, so don’t shrink away.”

He hoped that Alicia would adapt to Schwarhan without any problems, but seeing her already having a hard time enduring the cold, he could not help but be anxious.

It was not easy to get used to a strange land – a place with different people and cultures.

“I won’t.”

“Can I believe you?”

“Yes. I think I’ll be okay because Your Grace is by my side.”

“…….”

Cabellenus’s hand that was patting Alicia’s back froze.

There was something about the woman that shook the man’s nerves at will.

“Of course, I know you can’t stay by my side, but I’m relieved to think that Your Grace is with me.”

“I’ll always stay by your side.”

“That would be nice.”

Who did the sound of the thumping heart belong to?

Alicia bowed her head, unaware of her burning face.

“Your Grace certainly seems to have a higher body temperature than other people.”

“Other people, who……”

“Uh, well, everyone.”

“Gazeff?”

“I don’t know the body temperature of Sir Gazeff, so it’s hard to say…”

Why were they suddenly talking about Gazeff?

Alicia stuttered in a moment of confusion.

“If so, keep not knowing.”

“Pardon?”

“I’m saying that Gazeff’s body temperature is none of your business.”

“Of course, it’s something I don’t need to know.”

Alicia laughed awkwardly and nodded.

She did not know why, but Cabellenus often brought up the topic of Gazeff out of the blue.

[T/N: If something occurred ‘out of the blue’ it means it happened suddenly or unexpectedly.]

“Not just Gazeff, but also others.”

“Others?”

“I’m the only one who can hold you. So, you don’t even need to check someone else’s body temperature.”

Cabellenus buried his face against Alicia’s nape.

Alicia held her breath reflexively and grabbed the hem of Cabellenus’s coat.

Every time the man’s breath tickled her across the nape of his neck, her toes curled unknowingly.

“I’ll have to finish my bet as soon as possible.”

“Pardon?”

“No, I’m talking to myself.”

Whenever Cabellenus spoke, his lips touched her tender flesh. Alicia wiggled her fingers with a redder face.

“Well…….”

“Stay still for a moment.”

“Your Grace?”

“It’s because I’m a little nervous. Just for a second, just stay still for a moment.”

Cabellenus’s hand skimmed across Alicia’s back.

Since she was wearing a thick coat, he couldn’t feel her body properly, but Cabellenus remembered how thin and small Alicia was.

Even though it was only for one night, the memories of that day were more vivid than anything else and could not be easily erased.

Nevertheless, Cabellenus had not held Alicia since that day.

He regretted seeing Alicia’s strained body and regained his composure when he saw her suffer from a high fever for days.

The possibility of destroying Alicia with his own hands left him helpless.

“I don’t know why you’re so small.”

“Rather than me being small, Your Grace is just bigger.”

Cabellenus said that Alicia was small out of habit, but in fact, she was not small. It was just that Cabellenus was very big and tall, so Alicia looked relatively small.

“No. You’re small. And too weak.”

“Do I look that weak?”

“Very.”

Alicia’s face was perplexed at Cabellenus, who answered without hesitation.

“I don’t think I’m that weak.”

“You can’t beat the cold at all.”

“That’s because I’m not familiar with it. I’ll be fine once I get used to it.”

“You don’t have to get used to it. Even if you’re weak, I’ll protect you.”

Cabellenus tightened his hand.

Alicia looked up at Cabellenus with a cautious gaze.

“I don’t want to be protected.”

“Why?”

“If I could, I wish I could protect you.”

“I’m not weak enough for you to protect.”

“I know. But, I still don’t want to be a burden. I want to prove my worth more clearly.”

It would be nice if the power really came back.

If so, she would be able to listen to whatever Cabellenus wanted.

Regretting not being able to do so, Alicia gave strength to her hands.

“Don’t think about it. All I want is to hold you like I do now.”

“……Is that really all?”

Cabellenus’s gaze touched Alicia’s lips.

Actually, he already knew it. That fact that it was not enough.

He was just rationally suppressing it, but in the end, it was apparent what his instincts wanted. Otherwise, he wouldn’t be thirsty from just seeing that white and thin neck.

“Your Grace said that I don’t need to prove my worth, but I don’t think that’s enough.”

“Why?”

“If I become worthwhile, you can keep me by your side even if your interest disappears.”

“…….”

In the end, she decided to live because of Cabellenus.

Without him, Alicia’s life goal would also disappear.

“If my interest cools, will you stay by my side?”

“As long as you allow it.”

“…….”

“I want to continue to stay by your side.”

Cabellenus’s hands clasped Alicia’s cheek.

He wanted to kiss her.

No, he wanted to get much closer to her than that.

“After all, the reason I live is because of Your Grace.”

“…… Then without me?”

Cabellenus’s voice quivered slightly.

He knew that Alicia’s reaction was different from his.

Her behaviour was not much different from that of a baby bird fresh out of its egg.

One day she would want freedom, just as a grown-up bird would leave their nest.

“……I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?”

“Because Your Grace didn’t want me to die. Even if you don’t put me by your side, I wouldn’t be able to die.”

Cabellenus’s head rang as he looked at Alicia, who was shaking her head helplessly.

It was still awkward for her to put her thoughts into her mouth, but the woman smiling with a slight blush on her cheeks looked beautiful.

Neither the shabby hair colour, the faded eyes, nor the pale face was much different from before, but it was just so compelling he could not take his eyes off.

“…Can I kiss you?”

“Pardon?”

“I asked if I can kiss you.”

“M-me?”

Did his interest not cool down?

A bewildered Alicia puffed her mouth like a goldfish.

“Do you not like it?”

Cabellenus’s head twisted to the side.

Alicia swallowed her dry saliva as she watched his thin, black hair gently sweep across his forehead.

“You don’t have to ask me for permission to do that–”

“I want to get permission.”

“…….”

A long, thick finger touched Alicia’s cheek.

The man’s fingertips that grazed her soft cheeks were both firm and rough.

“That’s the only way I’ll feel less guilty.”

“Guilty?”

“I thought this had gone away.”

A vein bulged up on Cabellenus’s hand.

It did not matter if Alicia was holding a flimsy feeling.

Even if her reckless gaze on him disappeared, she had already fallen into Cabellenus’s grasp.

Before she tasted more freedom and realised what his feelings were, she would be entirely bound to him as his wife.

Just as his father did, and Blanche’s bloodlines.

[T/N: Here Cabellenus is hinting that the men of the Blanche family would tie down any woman they favour through marriage. :>]

But why?

When he looked into those eyes, he felt like what had felt natural seemed wrong.

Cabellenus’s forehead was wrinkled.

The man who had nothing to be afraid of was afraid of the woman.

The innocent eyes that knew nothing were more frightening than a knife’s blade against his neck.

‘He deserved to die.’

The moment she realised that his two eyes, which sparkled with favour, were not giving her freedom but shackles, he felt like her gaze would turn into contempt.

“It’s okay.”

“…….”

Alicia’s face reddened at Cabellenus’s intense gaze.

“……You can kiss me.”

Alicia murmured shyly in a small voice.

She did not know she would say this herself, but if she hesitated, it would be over. If she stayed silent because she was embarrassed, Cabellenus would really do nothing.

“I don’t hate it.”

Alicia’s hand clenched her hands and muttered with her head down.

Her face burned with embarrassment when she recalled the memories of that day, but she did not hate it.

It was rather good.

She always couldn’t fall asleep easily, and she used to wake up at the slightest movement, but when she was sleeping with Cabellenus, she never did that.

The warmth of others was so warm and good, it brought tears to her eyes.

Cabellenus was the first person to give this to Alicia after her late mother.

“I’m being honest.”

Alicia spoke once more to Cabellenus, who was still unresponsive.

Only then did she realise she was more nervous than she thought.

She was afraid that everything would vanish like a dream in a moment.

“Raise your head.”

“…….”

“I have to look at your face to kiss.”

“Ah…….”

It was a real surprise.

The moment she thought her head was lifted by someone else, her lips were sealed by his.

*Peck*

It was a short and sweet kiss as if it was for a child.

A hot breath flowed through Alicia’s lips when she realised that fact.

She did not want it to end like this.

It was not what Alicia wanted from Cabellenus.

“What’s the matter?”

“Please, do it right.”

“What?”

She did not know what kind of courage she had to make such a comment. However, it was hard to collect spilled water.

[T/N: ‘It’s hard to collect spilled water’ is similar to the phrase ‘don’t cry over spilled milk’ where it means that you should not worry about minor issues that don’t matter in the long run.”]

Alicia raised her face towards Cabellenus a little more.

“Please do what you did before.”

“…….”

“……Just like that night.”

As soon as Alicia’s words were over, her lips roughly interlocked with his.

 

Alicia reflexively reached out her hand.

The man’s shirt crumpled in her white and dry hands, and the buttons that had covered his neck came undone.

“Sorry, I’m sorry–”

Alicia’s voice, which was about to apologise for her clumsiness towards the sudden situation, was quickly blocked by the man’s lips.

Alicia gasped for breath and stared at Cabellenus with blurry eyes.

She did not want to release her grip on the man even though she was overwhelmed by his heavy presence.

‘…… Because I want this man to see me as a woman.’ 

Alicia tightly closed her eyes.

She knew it was a relationship that was impossible to achieve. But now, she had come too far to hide her greed.

No matter what she said or the excuses she made, she could no longer hide it.

It was not just the environment that Alicia had adjusted to.

    

T/N: Yay we finally got another kiss ahaha. (Alicia’s finally being more honest about certain things :> Hopefully she opens up more to Cabel! Also Cabel’s jealousy towards Gazeff amuses me XD)