Chapter 33 – I Miss You

“You arrived first.”

Cabellenus spotted Alicia sitting in the dining room and approached her.

“You’re here?”

Alicia jumped up like a puppy welcoming her owner.

They were not apart for long, but somehow she felt empty since, before this, they had been together for so long.

Furthermore, with the help of Mrs Morco, Alicia looked beautiful.

It could not be helped that she was secretly excited to see Cabellenus’s reaction.

“You must be hungry. Let’s eat right away.”

Contrary to Alicia’s expectations, Cabellenus only sat down with an indifferent face.

Alicia hesitated for a moment, then soon followed Cabellenus.

While the food was being served, she even cast a sideways glance to observe Cabellenus, but he seemed to have little interest.

“I don’t know if Schwarhan’s food will suit your taste.”

“It’s okay.”

“Unlike the south, the northern regions don’t use a variety of spices, so it might be a bit bland for your taste.”

“I see.”

“Alicia.”

“Yes, yes…… oh.”

Alicia, who was obligated to answer, smiled awkwardly at the gaze on her face.

Cabellenus raised his chin and looked at her with his eyes narrowed.

“What are you thinking about?”

“That…….”

Alicia’s pale cheeks turned red. She was ashamed to say that she had expected praise.

“Tell me.”

“……Do I have to tell you?”

“As long as you want me to judge your thoughts.”

Cabellenus nodded his head lightly.

Alicia did not know what to do, she closed her eyes tightly, and only her lips fluttered.

“……I thought you would tell me that I looked different.”

“…….”

“It’s embarrassing, but in fact, I thought I actually look a little prettier…….”

Again, it embarrassed her to say this.

Alicia could not bear to raise her head and tormented the innocent vegetables with a fork.

“I’ve never done anything like saying something is pretty in my whole life.”

“Yes, I’m sure you haven’t.”

Alicia nodded vigorously, but rather that scratched Cabellenus’s nerves.

Cabellenus slightly frowned and then opened his mouth.

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

“…….”

“…….”

However, those were not the words he wanted to hear.

As he gazed down at her bowed head, a deeper wrinkle formed between his brows.

Cabellenus pondered for a moment, then opened his mouth again.

“……I had a thought about wanting to kiss you.”

“Pardon?”

Alicia’s forking stopped.

She could feel Cabellenus’s hot gaze, but she could not bear to raise her head.

“And, it was unpleasant.”

Cabellenus nodded slowly.

The dress with the body line that softly appeared in line with the movement matched Alicia well, but he thought others would think the same, so his mood subsided.

When he first met her, she was so shabby that no one would look at her, but that was not the case anymore.

It was not just a simple feeling – it was pleasant but unwelcome.

“Well, shall I not wear this next time?”

The heat rose and sank immediately.

Alicia was startled and raised her head reflexively.

“No. Wear it if you want to. That wasn’t my point.”

“But, you said it was unpleasant.”

“It was unpleasant. But those are my thoughts, not yours.”

“I don’t want to do anything that Your Grace is displeased with.”

She did not want to be hated.

She wanted to stay like this.

Alicia looked at Cabellenus with an anxious look.

“I don’t like anyone else seeing you – except me.”

“Pardon?”

“I don’t think it would be a bad idea to keep you locked up so that only I can see you.”

“…….”

“But would you comply just because I found it unpleasant?”

Cabellenus raised the tip of his chin slightly.

His eyes that gleamed under the ornate chandelier were menacing like a wild beast.

“I just…….”

“It’s easy to command you. But that’s not what I want. I want you to become a person who can choose and judge for yourself.”

“Why?”

“Because I miss you.”

Cabellenus stroked his chin and revealed his hidden desire.

What he wanted was a wife who stood on an equal footing, not an obedient slave.

He wanted her to become the owner of a noble position where everyone would look up to and not take for granted.

Cabellenus intended to raise Alicia to where he stood.

“I don’t like that dress because it makes you look pretty in the eyes of others now.”

“Ha, but I’m certain that you’ve never said anything is pretty…….”

The heat that she thought had subsided began to rise again.

Alicia stammered, not knowing what she was saying.

“I said I’d never done it. I didn’t say I wouldn’t.”

“…….”

At this rate, it felt like her heart would burst.

Alicia stared blankly at Cabellenus, then came to her senses and quickly lowered her head.

Otherwise, she would not be able to hide her face that was so hot that she could not turn red anymore.

Alicia wiggled her fingers under the table for a long time and eventually nodded.

“……I want to wear it.”

She didn’t know how long she agonised about it until she said that short remark.

Alicia carefully lifted her bowed head and looked at Cabellenus.

He did not look upset despite the impolite answer.

“Yes, do as you please.”

He answered calmly and sliced the meat.

Alicia glanced sideways at Cabellenus several times before she followed him and grabbed the tableware.

There was various cutlery provided, but there was no need to think about how to use them.

Cabellenus, who started eating first, was slow, so it was not difficult to follow.

 * * *

“Shall I do this?”

“You answered correctly, but you just used honorifics to me again.”

“Oh, I apologise, no, I’m sorry.”

[T/N: Alicia is correcting herself to apologise more casually. 죄송합 (formal apology) to 미안해 (casual apology for people older than you)]

“It’s okay. It’s difficult to change a lot of things at once. You’re doing well, so you don’t have to be too disheartened.”

Mrs Morco smiled and placed the teacup down.

“But I still want to be good at it.”

Alicia smiled awkwardly and put the teacup down in front of her.

It was still difficult to place a teacup silently like Mrs Morco and be as elegant as Mrs Morco.

However, learning something was always fascinating and fun, so she felt excited whenever she did anything.

“Don’t worry too much because it’s not urgent. If you are uncomfortable with honorifics, you can try it again later.”

“……Can I?”

She knew she would be able to master it if she kept practising, but Mrs Morco was an aristocrat and was much older than Alicia.

Alicia, who was aware of her status, could not speak comfortably.

“Of course. If you don’t feel comfortable, you can do it when you feel more comfortable. Especially, since you haven’t been in Schwarhan for long. I know it’s hard to get used to an unfamiliar environment. You don’t have to strain yourself.”

“Thank you.”

“No. It’s my job to keep you safe and comfortable.”

Mrs Morco replied lightly and then ordered Shirin to bring the candy jar.

After class, Mrs Morco would always give Alicia one candy.

“You did a great job today as well. That’s all for today’s class.”

“Are you giving me candy again today?”

“It’s a sweet bribe and a reward.”

Mrs Morco used small tongs to pull out the candy from the glass jar.

The candy, made by the chef of Morco’s mansion, was sweet, sour and delicious.

At some point, she got used to the taste, and now she would naturally drool at the sight of the candy.

“A bribe?”

“Effort is not visible, so it is easy to be disappointed, but the sweetness that spreads in your mouth is something you can quickly feel.”

Mrs Morco smiled and handed Alicia the candy.

When she placed the candy in her mouth, the sweetness quickly spread out.

“That’s right.”

“Whenever you find it hard to learn, remember the sweetness of this moment. Even if you have a difficult time, if you eventually get your hands on what you want, it will be sweeter than the candy from today.”

What she wanted.

Alicia savoured the sweetness that melted at the tip of her tongue and thought about the man who would be currently flipping through documents right now.

Although she knew that it was not something she could accomplish with only hard work, she only wanted one thing.

“Oh, and as I mentioned beforehand, we are expecting a guest today.”

“Do I have to get fitted for my clothes again?”

“Clothes? No. The guest who will visit the lady today is not a seamstress but a painter.”

“A painter?”

Alicia’s eyes widened.

“Yes. He is also the most famous budding painter in Schwarhan recently. Somehow, there must have been a slight miscommunication when I delivered the message.”

[T/N: a budding painter is someone who has just started to succeed in art.]

“A painter is coming to see me?”

“I heard you wanted a new painting of your own, didn’t you?”

At that moment, Alicia’s body hardened.

There was only one picture she had.

“I haven’t actually seen it in person yet, but I heard that the painter is good at painting portraits.”

As the story of the portrait came out, she became even more convinced.

Alicia clenched her fist, recalling Cabellenus.

After returning to Schwarhan, he was really busy.

He worked day and night to make up for his long absence.

It was hard to eat together often, and she could barely see his face at night.

But, a painter.

Alicia was even more choked with emotion because she had never thought about it before.

[T/N: To feel “choked (with emotion)” means to be unable to talk clearly because you are feeling a strong sense of emotion.]

“Because he is a new painter, you may think he is not reliable, but don’t worry too much because I am certain of his skills.”

“…….”

“It’s very difficult to paint a portrait. Everyone’s eyes are different, especially the subject of the portrait who wants to look better. But if they beautify them too much, it becomes unpleasant because the painting won’t resemble them. Nevertheless, I heard that everyone who entrusted their painting to that painter were all very happy.”

Mrs Morco, who misunderstood Alicia’s expression, hastily praised the painter.

However, Alicia, who was so absorbed in her thoughts, did not pay attention to the story.

“If you are uncomfortable with it, should I just dismiss him?”

“Pardon?”

“If the lady doesn’t like the painter–”

“No!”

Alicia, who came to her senses, urgently shouted.

Then, she quickly swallowed her saliva and immediately went on.

“No! It’s definitely not dissatisfaction!”

She already knew that she could not compare her picture with the painter’s pictures.

She had heard that a painting drawn by a skilled painter would look alive.

She did not want to miss the opportunity to see her mother again.

“You don’t have to speak so fast. I won’t do anything that my lady doesn’t want me to do, so please relax.”

“I’m sorry.”

“No. You don’t have to apologise to me. You only have to give a command. Bring the painter. Like that.”

Although Mrs Morco seemed friendly, the distinction between the superior and the subordinate was clear.

Alicia looked at Mrs Morco, who was waiting for her orders and swallowed dryly.

“Bring me the painter. And, my drawing, too.”

“Yes, my lady.”

Mrs Morco grinned and then called for Shizuna and Shirin.

And, soon after, a young man with a briefcase entered the room.

“Hello, I’m the painter, James Nixon.”

The silver-haired man was courteous toward Alicia.

And for a moment, silence lingered in the room.

 

He was such a beautiful man that she was mesmerised.

Even though his hair was tied monotonously together, and his shirt had worn-out sleeves with no signs of decorations, she could not think of anything other than saying that the beautiful face was flawless and perfect.

As she looked at him, she even wondered if she was dreaming.

“Nice to meet you.”

Alicia smiled at James.

Unlike the others, she was the only one who saw James and reacted.

“It’s an honour to meet you too. If you don’t mind, may I call you, my lady?”

It was not until James put the briefcase on the floor, did Mrs Morco and the maids come to their senses.

Everyone quickly managed their facial expression, but their ears were slightly red.

“Yes, sir. That’s what everyone calls me, so you can call me that too.”

“…….”

“What’s the matter?”

“My lady, he’s not a noble.”

Mrs Morco whispered in a voice small enough to be heard only by Alicia.

“Then what should I call you…….”

“You can just call by my first or last name. And, you don’t need to use honorifics.”

“Ah, yes. Okay, no. I see.”

After Alicia took a firm hold of her mind, she looked at James again.

Then, she carefully opened her lips with a tense face.

Up till now, she had only met Cabellenus’s people, and James was not.

She could not help but be cautious.