Chapter 36 – Say My Name

“Good evening, Your Grace. My name is James Nixon.”

James quickly showed courtesy towards Cabellenus.

“Okay.”

Cabellenus greeted him with a slight nod.

In the meantime, Cabellenus wrapped his hands around Alicia’s shoulder.

“If you’re going to have more classes, do it indoors.”

“– As you can see, Alicia gets cold easily.”

Cabellenus added a comment and clicked his tongue.

Even he, himself, believed it was a clumsy attempt to show off.

The sensitive man instinctively looked at the other man with a guarded and alert gaze rather than act with reason.

“I’m fine.”

“Anyway, all of Schwarhan’s scenery is the same everywhere. Just go inside and do it.”

As if measuring Alicia’s body temperature, the back of Cabellenus’s hand touched her cheek.

He allowed the painting classes to keep Alicia from getting bored, not to make it difficult for her.

“It was frustrating to stay indoors, so I suggested it.”

“…….”

Somehow his heart felt cold at the words that she had felt frustrated.

Cabellenus slightly tightened his grip on Alicia’s shoulders.

“And, I can’t shiver in the cold forever. I have to get used to it.”

Like the average Schwarhan people.

Alicia swallowed back her words and laughed.

She did not want to tell Cabellenus that she had not got used to Schwarhan yet.

“You don’t have to get used to it.”

“But I think I’ve become more used to it since I’ve been outside for some time.”

“You’re not used to it. You’re frozen.”

Unable to stand by and watch, Cabellenus took off his coat and put it on Alicia.

Due to their height difference, the end of the coat dragged on the floor. However, Cabellenus did not care and wrapped the coat more tightly around her.

Alicia, who became buried in his clothes, blinked her eyes in bewilderment.

“Much better.”

Unlike Alicia, who was embarrassed, Cabellenus satisfactorily raised the corner of his mouth.

“Then Your Grace will be cold.”

Alicia hurriedly tried to remove the coat but was soon stopped by Cabellenus.

“Choose only one of the two. Will you go indoors, or will you wear it?”

The firm gaze of the man had no intention of backing down.

Eventually, Alicia gave up and turned to James.

“If you don’t mind, may we go back indoors and proceed with the class?”

“…….”

“James?”

“Oh, of course.”

James smiled at Alicia.

But the smile did not last long.

After Alicia and Cabellenus turned around, James stopped smiling.

He just watched the two people get further and further away.

* * *

“Is this a finished painting? You drew it well. You seem to have a talent for this.”

“Actually, James drew most of it, so I didn’t do much.”

“……again, James.”

Cabellenus muttered to himself in a small voice at the name that popped up whenever he forgot about it.

It was just a name.

It was not wrong since a name existed for the sake of being called.

That was what he thought in his mind, but not his feelings.

“Pardon? What did you just say?”

Alicia tilted her head, unaware of the circumstances.

Cabellenus took Alicia’s hand and gently kissed the tender spot inside her wrist.

Alicia’s cheeks glowed slightly red.

“The painting classes seem fun.”

“Actually, I have something to talk to you about.”

“What is it?”

“My mother’s portrait is complete, so the classes with James are over.”

“…….”

Cabellenus twisted his head to the side.

It occurred to him that he was behaving pretty childishly, but he could not help it.

It was unpleasant.

The name of another man coming out of her small lips.

“James teaches me really well. He’s friendly, and he knows a lot, so…….”

“So?”

Alicia’s focus was noticeably shaken by Cabellenus’s glaring gaze.

But even though she had a very nervous face, she did not stop her lips.

Cabellenus quietly waited for her story without haste.

“I want to keep taking classes from James.”

“– Of course, as long as Your Grace allows it.”

Alicia added shortly afterward in a barely audible voice.

However, it sounded clear to Cabellenus’s ears.

“……Can’t I?”

At Cabellenus’s silence, Alicia bit her lower lip nervously.

Instead of answering, Cabellenus pressed Alicia’s lips with his thumb.

“Don’t bite.”

“…….”

“You don’t have to be nervous.”

“…….”

“Because I’m in a pretty good mood right now.”

Alicia’s eyes flickered slowly.

It was not an illusion.

The corners of Cabellenus’s mouth were clearly drawn in a crescent shape.

“It’s good to have something you want.”

“It’s a good thing?”

“It means that you have become greedy, and you will eventually have more desires.”

A person who wanted a lot and had many things could not leave with ease.

Cabellenus’s fingers gently brushed Alicia’s cheek.

“If there’s anything you want, you can tell me. I’ll do whatever I can.”

“……You don’t know how far my greed is, and yet you say that.”

A short breath leaked out from Alicia’s teeth.

“Hearing those words, I’m looking forward to how far your greed reaches.”

“…….”

“Anything is fine. Keep asking me constantly. I’m a man who can do more than you think.”

The man, with a haughty smile, was full of confidence.

“I was kidding. This is enough for me.”

“We’ll have to wait and see. Human greed is endless.”

“Excessive greed will only bring disaster.”

As time went by, Alicia became clear about what she wanted.

But it was excessive.

The emotions she embraced were something she could never speak of.

“That’s strange.”

Cabellenus’s fingertips slowly descended and swept Alicia’s chin.

“What?”

Alicia gave strength to both fists.

It would have been easier to calm her mind if it had been a cold gaze, but the generous attitude made it difficult for her.

“I like the rational and realistic way of thinking, but I don’t like seeing you like that.”

“…….”

“I wish you could relax a bit more.”

His golden eyes with prominent pupils quickly examined Alicia’s complexion.

It was much better than before, but he still did not think she would fit perfectly in his embrace.

“If you want to continue the painting classes, you can continue.”

But it was only a matter of time after all.

Cabellenus nodded slowly.

He was a hunter who knew how to wait and, at the same time, a hunting dog that would not let go of its prey.

Cabellenus had never thought that he could not get what he wanted.

“Can I do that?”

“Yes. Instead, there is one condition.”

“Condition?”

Alicia barely managed to swallow the breath she had held back.

“James. I want you to stop saying that man’s name.”

“James?”

Alicia’s lips slightly opened at the unexpected condition.

“I don’t like the idea of another man’s name coming out of your mouth.”

The heat in Alicia’s face rose even more at Cabellenus’s answer.

She felt it again, but this man never hesitated to express his feelings.

She should not be pleased with that fact, but Alicia liked the man who looked at her in the eye and spoke.

She wanted to ask why it upset him for her to say another man’s name.

But it was not supposed to be.

No matter how obvious the emotions were, sometimes it was required to close your eyes and pretend that they were invisible.

Alicia swallowed the question and nodded slowly.

“I won’t do it if you don’t want me to.”

“…….”

“What’s wrong?”

“I thought it would be enough if you didn’t call his name anymore, but it wasn’t.”

Cabellenus frowned slightly.

The thought of Alicia not calling James’s name caused the displeasure to disappear to some extent.

But that alone did not satisfy him.

What he wanted was something a little different.

“……name.”

“Pardon?”

“Say my name.”

Cabellenus fixed his gaze directly onto Alicia.

“I-I, how can I say Your Grace’s name……”

In a panic, Alicia clutched her hands.

Looking at her chewing her lips as if she did not know what to say, Cabellenus was convinced that it was the answer he wanted.

“Cabellenus von Schwarhan Blanche.”

“…….”

“Try to say it once.”

Cabellenus’s hand was strained.

 

It was the first time that he knew that a mere name could make him feel so nervous.

Most of the men born in the imperial family were addressed by their proper titles rather than their names. Additionally, the few people who were able to call his name had now almost disappeared, leaving only one family member, Gerpenus.

For Cabellenus, his name was not great.

“Well, I…….”

Her face felt sore from his penetrating gaze.

Alicia did not know what to do, so she averted her eyes and tried to avoid Cabellenus’s gaze, but it was useless.

She was already caught.

“You said it before.”

“When did I ever…….”

Suddenly, the moment came to mind, and Alicia struggled to speak and swallowed her saliva.

It was only once, but there was a time when she had called the man’s name.

“……You were listening?”

Alicia looked up at Cabellenus with a tearful face.

“Yeah.”

Cabellenus touched the wrinkles around Alicia’s eyes with his fingertips.

“……I’m sorry.”

“Why are you sorry?”

“Because I said a name that should not be called.”

Alicia’s voice trembled.

“It doesn’t matter because I allowed it.”

“…….”

“Because I thought it wasn’t worse than anything. My name that you called.”

Alicia swallowed her saliva reflexively.

She wanted to keep pretending that she did not know, but it was impossible.

She could not help not knowing it.

She could clearly see what the man’s gaze was saying.

It was the eyes that saw a woman.

The look Alicia longingly desired.

Nevertheless, she frowned, not knowing whether to be happy or sad about it.

She knew better than anyone because she always tried hard not to forget about reality.

Her relationship with Cabellenus could not simply be about the feelings of love.

He had too much, and on the contrary, Alicia had nothing.

Conversely, it meant that Alicia had nothing to lose, while Cabellenus had a lot to lose.

It was obvious what kind of choice Cabellenus would make.

Cabellenus was a man who knew his place better than anyone else.

As long as he was a noble, the greatest he could give Alicia would be the position as his lover.

It was the most rational way to release his emotions without losing anything.

‘As long as I can stay by your side, it doesn’t matter…….’

It was an excessive desire to have more than now.

Initially, Alicia had no intention of asking Cabellenus for much more.

Honestly, if he wanted her to become his lover, he would have done so already.

Whether it was the position as a slave or lover, there was no difference.

Either way, she just wanted to be with him.

But that was the story while Cabellenus remained unmarried.

If he had a wife, Alicia would no longer be able to stand by him.

In a noble marriage, even if no feelings existed, respect and obligation must exist between the couple.

No matter how they concealed it, the existence of a lover was shameful for married people, and especially the idea of illegitimate children.

Alicia did not want to become a blemish to Cabellenus.

She did not want to ruin the perfect guy.

“……as expected, I cannot say it.”

“Why?”

If she said his name, it would feel like all the emotions she had barely pressed inside her would burst out.

Alicia constantly mulled over her situation and secretly swallowed the answer she could not say.

“I don’t want to call Your Grace by your name. It’s not possible.”

“It can’t be done?”

Cabellenus’s face was noticeably crumpled.

“I have not forgotten my identity.”

“I don’t care about your status. You’re–”

It was then.

At the sound of a sudden knock, Cabellenus could not finish his words, and he frowned instead.

He instantly wanted to shout at the person to leave them alone, but he still had his rationality.

Cabellenus tightly clenched his teeth and touched his forehead with a long sigh.

“Come in.”

“Your Grace, I’m sorry to interrupt you. I have something to tell you.”

Gazeff, who came inside, hurriedly paid his respect to Cabellenus.

“What’s going on?”

“That’s…….”

Gazeff’s gaze turned to Alicia.

“I’ll be out for a while. Go to bed first.”

Cabellenus did not miss the brief moment and rose from his seat.

There was only one topic that could not be mentioned in front of Alicia.