Chapter 41 – I Want It

Cabellenus’s eyes narrowed as he entered the room.

Alicia wasn’t the only one in the room.

“You’re still here.”

“At last, you have arrived.”

Mrs Morco, who was sitting on the chair next to the bed, rose up and gave a brief greeting to Cabellenus.

Cabellenus roughly shook his head and walked to the bed.

He wanted to check Alicia’s face first.

“You may leave now.”

“If you don’t mind, I’ll like to speak with you for a moment.”

“If it’s not urgent, let’s do it later.”

“It’s urgent,” Mrs Morco said firmly.

Cabellenus quietly stared at Mrs Morco and then gave a short sigh.

“It’s about my lady.”

“……Let’s go out and talk. I don’t want to wake her up.”

“Of course.”

As if she had expected this, Mrs Morco left the room first.

Cabellenus turned to gaze at the bed before following Mrs Morco.

“Don’t drag it for long. Let’s talk right away.”

As soon as he reached the hallway, Cabellenus urged.

“I don’t want to talk for long, either.”

Mrs Morco looked up at Cabellenus.

“My lady cried a lot.”

Because of Your Grace.

Instead of criticising him, Mrs Morco merely just stared at Cabellenus.

Cabellenus’s mouth trembled slightly.

“……She cried?”

“My lady thinks of herself as a flower.”

“Flower?”

“A lover.”

“Someone recklessly made fun of her,” Cabellenus growled in a low voice.

“My lady is not a fool.”

Mrs Morco shook her head.

James was the one who brought up the word, but Alicia was shaken by it because she thought so, too.

“Rather, she has a lot on her mind and is very self-conscious.”

“Because she’s timid in the first place.”

“No. Rather than that, she’s more anxious. Based on her situation, it’s inevitable.”

Mrs Morco shook her head firmly.

Obviously, Cabellenus’s attitude toward Alicia was special.

However, he hadn’t given Alicia what she needed.

“In the past, I saw a dog in a cage. It was a dirty space that was too narrow to move in and not properly clean up, but the dog never rebelled. It just ate the food scraps from its master and spent time curled up in the iron cage.”

“…….”

“I felt pity for it, so I gave money to buy the dog, and I opened the door of the iron cage right away. But the dog didn’t come out. For the dog, the narrow, dirty iron cage was its world, so it was unaware that it could come out.”

Cabellenus’s eyes were cold.

It was clear who Mrs Morco was referring to.

“It took almost a month to get the dog out of the cage. But even though it got out of the cage, it still could not walk. An old hunter said that the dog’s unused muscles had deteriorated.”

“…….”

“A year after I took in the dog that had a high chance of never being able to walk ever again, it was finally able to walk for the first time. Two more years later, the dog could walk like a normal dog .”

“……So, what do you want to tell me? You’re even rudely comparing the future Grand Duchess to a dog.”

Cabellenus’s gold eye shone uncontrollably.

“Even beasts that cannot speak also require time to stand up again. They need generous affection and devotion. So, how about a person?”

Mrs Morco confronted Cabellenus without backing down.

Her master was now Alicia.

It was her role to protect her master.

“Are you trying to teach me?”

“Your Grace has chosen my master, so I only act on her will.”

“……You’re determined to obtain what you want.”

Cabellenus clicked his tongue and relaxed his eyes.

“Although I may look like this, I’ve lived more than twice as long as Your Grace.”

A veteran smile spread on the old lady’s mouth.

“So, what do you want me to do?”

“I want you to assure my lady.”

“Assure?”

Cabellenus’s mouth stiffened.

“My lady is not weak. She is not timid. She is just anxious and afraid.”

“So?”

“My lady is anxious and afraid because she knows nothing.”

“Just because she knows, it won’t make any difference.”

“It will be different.”

Mrs Morco’s voice was more determined than ever.

She was convinced.

“Now is not the time.”

Cabellenus lowered his eyes slightly.

He wanted to see Alicia become the perfect Grand Duchess, but that was far away.

The current Alicia was not strong.

Rather than being strong, she was just too weak and fragile.

The moment he told her everything, she would only have a lot of useless thoughts.

“She is too weak.”

“The finely grown greenhouse plants cannot overcome the cold.”

“There’s no need for it to face the cold.”

“But it cannot live its whole life always being protected.”

“…….”

“Throughout the classes with me, my lady never left anything unknown. She tried to understand it, judged it herself, and made it her own. She is a person who can now progress further.”

Mrs Morco held her smile and clasped her hands together neatly.

“Don’t just try to hide it, and tell her your story, instead. Let her listen to what you have in mind, and Your Grace can also listen to what she has in mind. After all, trust begins with how much you know about the other person.”

“You believe she can handle it.”

With that small, thin body that would break at any moment?

Cabellenus gave a low growl.

He clenched his jaw, causing the tense muscles to appear more prominent.

“What I told you about was the story of Janet, the mother of Rex – the dog whom Your Grace now raises. She was the best hound in Schwarhan until she retired from old age.”

Mrs Morco still faced Cabellenus with a relaxed expression.

Cabellenus, who was said to be the Wolf of Schwarhan that everyone feared, was still just a young boy in her eyes.

The boy who visited Schwarhan with a war medal that did not match his youthful face was not called the Wolf of Schwarhan from the beginning.

“When I bought her, no one expected that the ragged dog would become a fearless hound. But I believed in Janet, and she exceeded all our expectations and became my pride. Even Rex, who is now considered one of Schwarhan’s best hounds, falls short of Janet’s heyday.”

Mrs Morco looked up at Cabellenus with a smile.

Cabellenus said nothing, but that was enough.

Schwarhan’s master never made the same mistakes.

* * *

In the dark, Cabellenus’s fingers slowly swept over Alicia’s face.

Originally, Alicia was a light sleeper, so she usually woke up at the tiniest movements, but these days she didn’t wake up easily.

Nevertheless, Cabellenus laid next to her while worrying that he would wake Alicia up.

Fortunately or unfortunately, Alicia just breathed and slept without knowing that Cabellenus was next to her.

Cabellenus carefully removed a hair from Alicia’s cheek.

“……Can you really handle it?”

Cabellenus’s eyes narrowed.

The moonlight, faintly leaking through the window, shone onto the woman who still seemed fragile.

He believed it was better to cover her eyes and ears like now.

Cabellenus’s hand settled gently on Alicia’s cheek.

He had never held something weak, so there were times when he didn’t know what to do.

At that moment, Alicia’s eyelids trembled.

“……Your Grace?”

Alicia muttered in a hoarse voice.

Though awakened, both eyes were hazy as if still asleep.

Instead of answering, Cabellenus looked at her quietly.

There was a faint rose scent on her.

“I missed you…….”

Holding Cabellenus’s hand that was on her cheek, she smiled softly.

She didn’t seem to think the man in front of her was real.

Cabellenus remained silent and left his hand to her as Alicia wanted.

“Come often.”

“……I came every day.”

Cabellenus’s throat tightened.

Every time Alicia pursed her lips, her breath swept through his calloused palms and the inside of his wrists.

“This must be a dream.”

She wished she could see him every day in reality.

Alicia murmured softly and closed her half-opened eyes.

She wanted to keep Cabellenus in her sight, but her eyelids were too heavy to remain open.

“……I missed you a lot as well.”

“I can even paint you in my dreams.”

Alicia mumbled and rubbed her cheeks against Cabellenus’s hand like a cute cat.

Unlike Cabellenus, who was seized with fear of her tender flesh rubbing against his rough hands, Alicia gave a satisfied smile.

“That’s good, truly.”

Her soft lips briefly grazed against his palm.

Once again, Cabellenus’s throat tightened.

The woman was unaware of the kind of gaze the beast before her had and just smiled innocently.

“I was afraid.”

“…….”

The voice of the small woman shook the eyes of the man who seemed like a hungry beast.

“But I’m glad. I could see you like this.”

Her tired voice was like a child’s grumble.

Cabellenus leaned a little further towards her, trying not to strain her grip.

As he drew closer, the faint scent of roses became thicker a

He did not like the scent of flowers, but the fragrance from Alicia wasn’t so bad.

It might be because he was reminded of the excitement on her face whenever she chattered about cosmetics made with rose oil and hot spring water.

“I just didn’t want to keep you waiting, but I made you upset instead.”

“There’s no way I can’t wait. You’re my everything.”

“……I don’t think you’ve ever told me that.”

“How can I dare say that…….”

Alicia muttered helplessly, wringing her hands.

The smile disappeared from her face.

“If there’s anything you want to say, you should say it.”

“But I can’t say that.”

“Why?”

“Your Grace is busy. And…….”

“And? What’s next?”

Cabellenus touched Alicia’s cheek as if to appease her.

Alicia felt the touch and soon smiled lightly.

“Then, what if Your Grace gets tired of me?”

Cabellenus gritted his teeth.

At a closer inspection, he could see that the area around her eyes was swollen.

“……that’s won’t happen.”

Cabellenus laughed bitterly.

“I’m still afraid that you’ll suddenly just vanish.”

The breath that Cabellenus held back trickled out through the crevices between his teeth.

He wasn’t sure about it either.

Unlike him, who conjured up a future to be with her, Alicia always looked to the end.

She looked agitated as if she was someone who would run away any minute.

“Do you think that way, too?”

“Yes. More precisely, I think that a lot.”

The golden eyes hid under his eyelids and then regained light.

But the light was paler than usual.

“Lies.”

“Why do you think it’s a lie?”

“Your Grace is strong.”

“……I can be afraid of something.”

The bird that hatched from its egg was said to mark the first being it saw as its parent, but it was only for a short time.

Even if it could be mistaken for a moment, in the end, the baby would eventually recognise who was the other being they had to see.

Cabellenus was afraid of it.

He was afraid that Alicia, who was chasing after him, might be mistaken.

He was afraid that the moment Alicia gazed at someone else would come.

And how she would change at that moment.

Cabellenus struggled to suppress his emotions and stroked Alicia’s eyelid with his thumb.

Alicia, who felt ticklish, giggled and soon snuggled into Cabellenus’s arms.

“……It’s true that I lied. Actually, I didn’t say it on purpose.”

“What?”

“I was going to make it so you couldn’t refuse and then tell you. Ironically, I’m afraid of being rejected.”

He didn’t want to be pathetic, but he couldn’t help it.

The woman who didn’t react as he expected always made him feel nervous.

“I wouldn’t have refused.”

“You don’t know what I’ll ask.”

“Anything is fine.”

“……Even if I want to take you as my wife?”

Cabellenus’s grip strengthened.

“Yes, I’m willing.”

“…….”

“I wanted to hear this in reality, but it’s nice to be able to hear it even in my dream.”

Alicia snuggled deeper into Cabellenus’s arms.

Her heart fluttered at the comforting and familiar touch.

“I thought it was okay, but I guess it wasn’t. I thought I would be satisfied if I could just remain by your side, but I wasn’t.”

“…….”

“I guess I’m a greedier person than I thought. No matter how much I think about it, I don’t want to miss the opportunity given to me.”

Alicia hugged Cabellenus with both arms.

Again, Cabellenus obediently followed along as she pleased.

The hands were full of strength in fear of losing the man before her and was firmer than anything else.

“I want it.”

“…….”

“I’ve become greedy for you.”

It was a confession made under the pretext of a dream.