Blink Blink

“Was what I heard yesterday true?’

Perhaps it was a dream about what I was hoping for.

I don’t know if this memory of sneaking a peek at the innermost thoughts of the three was a dream or reality but,

 ‘I wish it wasn’t a dream.’

Because it was so rare for me to feel happy these days that everything felt like a dream and that troubled me.

‘But it might still be a dream, so just in case, should I ask them?’

Why are you so sincere and kind to me?

 ‘Am I bothering you…?’

I heaved a sigh from the morning and crumpled the blanket.

‘If I think of this as a contract, I feel relieved.’

This strange feeling beyond the contract shakes my heart back and forth.

With such a complicated thought, I sat still on the bed and waited for the people to come in.

Knock knock-

“Baby, did you wake up?”

“Yes!”

Ah. I was a little surprised because it was the first time that mother came to visit me first.

When I was shocked and dismal, my mother laughed at my voice and wiped my face with a wet towel, just as Lennox and Ricarda had done.

“Did you have a good dream?”

“…I don’t know. I don’t think I had a dream.”

I remembered the last night I had forgotten for a while.

‘The words that were affectionate, kind, and yet full of sincerity that seemed to consider me as a family.’

Can I believe it? This kind of unconditional affection?

No, can I give up on this affection?

I just thought quietly, but I couldn’t figure out why; my eyes suddenly started to get blurred.

Unknowingly, tears filled my eyes.  When I tried to wipe it off in embarrassment, my mother blocked my hand and wiped it gently instead.

“Shh. It’s okay, it’s okay.”

“Heug…Hg.”

Like last night, my mother held me in her arms and patted me back to comfort me.

In the end, I shed tears that I was trying to endure.

I could see my mother’s shoulders in front of me getting wet, but even if I tried to stop, it kept on falling.

“Heug- mother, Lennox, and even Ricarda why do you all treat me so well?”

Ah, I didn’t want to ask …

I couldn’t see anything because my tears blocked my vision in front of me.  After throwing my words at her, I was afraid to see her reaction.

What if she dislikes me for asking that question?

What if you stare at me with a cold stare?

What if that affectionate eye turns into contempt?

If that happens, I really won’t be able to withstand it.

I buried my head on my mother’s shoulder and tried to hold back my tears.

It was just a slip of the tongue. I wasn’t curious about that either.

I’m satisfied with the situation now.

I was going to say that.

Saying it was fine, my mother didn’t stop patting me on the back.

“Baby, I’ve prepared a present for you. Shall we go and see it?”

“He- Heug,  Yes?”

What do you mean by the present?

With my eyes filled with tears, I couldn’t think about anything, so I had no choice but to keep my head down.

With a continuous patting, mother went upstairs and passed by the office, opening the door next to it.

“Baby, will you raise your head?”

“No, I don’t want to be seen crying.”

My mother laughed a little at my whining and picked me up again; she slowly began to go around the room.

“Look here, this is your new bed. It belongs to you.”

“…heug- yeah?”

Surprised by the remark, I turned my head and saw a large bed with a soft, light purple bedding.

“uh- I….”

As I stammered with embarrassment, mother did not stop and stepped back to the side.

“Here, this is your closet, and there are plenty of clothes for you to wear in the future, so you can wear what you want to wear.”

‘What is this…?’

“What should I show you this time? Oh, you can’t use it yet, but I also prepared a dressing table, and a doll just in case you want it.”

At the end of my mother’s words, I slowly moved my head and looked into the room.

Warm sunlight was coming through the curtains in front of the large window.

A room with bright sunlight, a bed that looks cozy, and many dolls on top of it.

There was a large closet, a small desk that fits my size, a small tea table, a chair, and a sofa.

It was so clear that it was designed to suit me, unlike where I slept a little while ago.

‘That’s right, Lennox said she would prepare my room.’

Now that I could finally hold back my tears,  I remembered the words Lennox had said as a secret.

“Are you surprised? I secretly prepared it. It’s been a long time since I’ve decorated a room like this, so I enjoyed it, too. I hope you like it.”

“…I love it.”

I was speechless, but I said thank you out of my mouth because it was something I really wanted to say.

“It’s really, really great…”

I was so happy that I couldn’t control my joy, and my eyes were filled with tears again.

“Why cry if you like it? If you keep crying, your eyes will hurt.”

My mother’s touch on my eyes was colder than I thought. However, the gentle swept as if to cool down my eyes, felt warmer because it touched my heart.

“Why, why do you treat me so well?”

“Why are you being so nice to me?”

“Because it’s so sweet, this sounds like a lie. I thought I could be happy if you just give me enough for me to live. If I receive all these affections, I might get greedy.”

“Can’t I do that?”

I nodded to the soft voice.

At my nod, she asked me.

“Why not?”

“Because I have a lot of greed. What should I do if you come to hate me again? No, I’m not saying you don’t like me now, but…”

The more I did, the more my words began to get tangled.  If this would be the case, I’d rather not start talking.

“Was it burdensome to be nice to you? What if you didn’t like it?”

Mother’s expression became a little serious.

I shook my head right away.

“No, it was good. But it’s my first time receiving something like this. Honestly, I’m scared… that you will abandon me… saying you dislike me.”

If she throws me away by saying she changed her mind,

After the affection I received like this disappears, I will have no confidence to endure it.

I managed to speak out my words and buried my head on my mother’s shoulder.

“So, you need a reason for me to treat you like this.”

“…..”

“For the right reason. All right, I’m confident in convincing you. Daphne, do you want your child to live the same life as you later?”

Despite the sudden question, I shook my head firmly.

“No, absolutely not.”

“Right? So am I.”

“…mother too?”

“I really came up to this position with my teeth clenched. To live. I’ve walked a path that’s hard enough not to be rich. But the child who will be my daughter lives the same life as me?”

Her expression reflected seriousness.

“That’s nonsense. I don’t want to give my own children any shortage. Whether it’s affection, money, stuff, or whatever.”

“…..”

“You are my daughter and my child. You started this relationship, but as an adult, it’s my responsibility to carry on. So all you have to do is receive it. “

“What am I supposed to do, then?”

My mother grinned at my curiosity.

“You just need to grow up. Stay healthy, do what you want to do, enjoy what you want to enjoy, and live happily.”

It was a warm word I never dared to dream of.

“And so that you can achieve what you want. You just need to grow up like that.”

It was my mother’s wish when she was a child, and it was also the wish of me who became her child.

At those heartfelt words, I felt a door that had been tightly shut in my heart slowly open up.

‘Can I try believing it? This affection that you give me unconditionally? Everything?’

They were the first ones to be kind to me, so wouldn’t it be okay to believe them if they say they were sincere?

They have a goal, and I also have a goal.

They share their journey to the goal, and they also said that they consider me as a family.

‘I don’t have to refuse any more.’

And most of all.

I’ve already realized this affection, and I don’t think I’ve any confidence to give up on this now. I raised my head and looked straight at my mother, not avoiding her eyes.

“I have my first wish.”

“Is that so? I wonder what it is.”

The moment my mother’s red eyes met my golden eyes,

I smiled broadly at the warm feeling that came in.

“Can I call you Mom?”

“… is that your first wish?”

“Yes”

“It’s a good enough title to call without even making a wish.”

Mother didn’t seem to like my wish. Yet, I didn’t break my stubbornness.

“My first wish is to call you mom. You said you’d let me start the relationship.”

“… yes, if you want to. All right, I’ll grant your first wish.”

“And there’s a second.”

I guess she didn’t know that I would tell my wish right away.

Mom seemed a little surprised, but she waited for me to talk.

“I want to learn how to write.”

“If it’s writing, of course, you should learn. I was going to let you do that, too.”

“From my mom.”

At my words, my mom blinked and burst into laughter as if she was happy.

“Really? Did you want to learn from your mom?”

“Yes.”

I felt a little embarrassed, so I avoided the eyes I was seeing and hugged my mother again. The sound of Mom’s heart was a little louder than before. And my heartbeat was also a little faster than before.

I wanted my mom to be happy as much as I was, and I tightly embraced Chloe, who will become my new mom.

“Will you grant me my wish?”

“Of course, but let’s forget about the second wish.”

“What? Why?”

“I wanted to do it even if it wasn’t a wish.”

In the laughter that came out, joy oozed through.

At some point, behind us were Lennox and Ricarda who had come in.

Ricarda, who was staring at us, smiled broadly and ran and hugged Mom and me tightly.

“Our daphne, why are you so cute!”

Lennox, who was next to him, came up and hugged the three of us tightly.

“Daphne, I don’t mind if you’re greedy. Since… I’m an older brother who can listen to his younger sister’s wishes.”

Lennox cleared his throat as if he was embarrassed and continued his words.

“I can do that for my family. Don’t worry too much.”

Lennox looked bitter, saying he was sorry he couldn’t answer me right away last time.

I lifted the gloomy-looking corner of Lennox’s mouth slightly up.

“Lennox looks good when he is smiling.”

At my beckoning, Lennox put a blank look on his face for a moment and soon smiled broadly.

“And the title ‘Oppa’ is so awkward. I’ve never called it before, so I’ll call it when I’m ready.”

“Our youngest is so cute that I can’t help it.”

In my words, Lennox smiled and hugged us like Ricarda.

“I’ll try my best to be happy.”

At my words, everyone said that’s all I needed to do and didn’t hide their smile.

A bitterly cold winter was approaching, but I was convinced it would be a particularly warm winter.