For My Derelict Favorite - Chapter 29

After Kaelus departed for the border, many letters were sent to the duchy.

The content is mainly about successful negotiations and wishing for the safe return of my favorite. Even if it was to send it out of courtesy, I was desperate for him.

If more people wish for it, I think “God” will hear it.

I used to think the God of the world was ridiculous, but it changed dramatically.

But I didn’t go to the temple with my own feet. The temple has already lost its trust not only to me but also to the general public.

Even though Helios did not officially disclose how it was known, Diana’s debt spread to the social circle.

Even Erinnis, who acts as the representative of the victims’ group, was very excited.

“Even people with a lot of investment experience like me don’t invest that much money in one place at a time!”

I sipped my tea and nodded.

“Because she has no experience.”

“And it’s not spare money, it’s borrowed money. Oh, my God…”

Erinnis put her finger to her forehead.

I responded calmly.

“She borrowed it from the temple, too. It’s like a year’s budget.”

“Really, the more I think about it, the more ridiculous it is, duchess.”

“That’s right….”

Moderately replying to Erinnis, but in fact my mind was completely in the left field.

At first, Kaelus said that he would send news often, but I refused. It’s much more important for him to finish his work safely and come back unscathed than to try to break the news to me.

He told me to wait, so I’ll wait.

In the face of things that I can’t do with my own power right now, I have no choice but to stay even if I am powerless.

I have to endure it day by day. Even if fear surrounds me like a swamp.

“Duchess? Are you okay?”

The sudden call brought me to my senses.

“Oh, yes, of course. I’m sorry. I was thinking about something else for a second.”

Erinnis smiled generously at my honest apology.

“I understand, Hestia. You’re worried about Duke Kaelus.”

“…”

I affirmed with a long sigh.

Erinnis nodded quietly, and suddenly her eyes shone.

“By the way, duchess. There’s something strange going on in the Lily Palace.”

“At the Lily Palace? Is it the saint again?”

Does Diana have a disease that kills her if she doesn’t get into an accident for a second? Why are you so busy when you’re under arrest in the palace?

Erinnis shook her head.

“She’s emphasizing that he’s from the new shrine, and she’s holding a prayer meeting for hours every day in the grand banquet room of the Lily Palace.”

“Prayer? For what?”

“It’s a lot of things. ‘Let me pay my debts safely, or the return of the Duke Kaelus’.”

I’m grateful to hear that, but it’s very uncomfortable to say that it’s Diana.

Erinnis clicked her tongue.

“I’m glad if it’s a pure heart, but to be honest, I don’t think that’s the case.”

“…”

Yeah, that’s exactly what I’m saying. I have had a throbbing headache.

“What does she think people say?….”

“Whoa, would she be a crown princess if she knew that? And I don’t think there’s anyone around her who can tell her what’s going on.”

Erinnis snorted.

Diana’s reputation was abysmal, no longer down to earth. She was revered as a saint when she married the crown prince.

This was the result of self-isolation, citing beliefs and morality. Now no one acknowledges Diana’s beliefs or believes in her morality.

I would be puzzled. Why is this the result even though she lived so hard as an example?

Of course everyone but her knows why.

Erinnis affirmed.

“The saint may have sought justice, but she didn’t respect people.”

I agree with her.

And one more thing.

Diana failed to realize the extremely basic humility that can only be learned by going through ups and downs in life, due to the flowery path of lady rofan.

There is nothing else to say except that it is a misfortune to be a cider heroine.

~~~~

Harmonia finally cleared up the salon and left for Attica.

Before she left, she came to greet me as a duchess.

“Shouldn’t I stay with the duchess until he comes back…”

With an apologetic face, she blurted out the end of the sentence.

I shook my head.

“I’m fine, Harmonia. But thank you for your concern.”

Even if madam tries to comfort me with words, it’s of no use to me.

Instead, I clearly identified what to do in the future.

“Please report the situation in Attica as honestly as possible. It’s better to separate objective facts from madam’s opinions.”

“Yes, I will not forget what the duchess said.”

“The most important thing madam needs to focus on is to build a positive relationship between Attica’s retainers and myself. I hope you can make the most of your experience in running a salon.”

Harmonia smiled.

“Thank you for giving me such a big role, duchess.”

“I’ll cheer for Madame’s success.”

She showed me some grace, and left in an energetic manner.

~~~~

After living and moving for a while, I was empty again.

“…”

In order to forget the emptiness, I have no choice but to find something to do and cling to it.

What I am most desperate for now is the desperate regret that the heroine abandoned my favorite.

Perfectly removed Harmonia from Diana. Not only the mind, but also the physical distance.

Completely isolated, she somehow tries to hold onto the leash of Kaelus. By smiling sweetly at him and praying hard for him.

But will that solve everything? The world is so easy, right?

“You’re so arrogant because you still have something to rub against.”

Even your last crown princess seat will be in jeopardy, so you’ll see. Diana.

  I’ll let you fall to your feet. To the point where you have to kneel desperately.

  I’ll take everything away.

~~~~

On a rainy day.

The open terrace was full of rain. I couldn’t taste anything in the soup I nibbled on.

“I really don’t have any taste in my mouth…”

When I lost my appetite, Clarice was very worried.

“I’m worried about your health. Why don’t you see the doctor?”

“Alright.”

What’s the point of stubbornly refusing? I accepted the examination with a grain of salt.

However, the doctor also tilted his head.

“There’s nothing wrong with you…”

“Then why can’t she eat as much?”

Clarice criticized the doctor for nothing.

The doctor sighed.

“Worry is the root of all illnesses. She’s lost your appetite now, and if it continues, it’ll get worse everywhere.”

“Please prescribe something, sir!”

“Well, it’s just… Master needs to come back soon…”

I smiled faintly as I watched the conversation between the lady-in-waiting and the doctor.

“The doctor is right, Clarice.”

“Madam…”

“I need to get some shut-eye for a second. I’ll feel better after I sleep.”

The lady-in-waiting and the doctor looked at me pitifully.

“Take a good rest, madam.”

Soon the room was quiet.

~~~~

I laid sprawling on the sofa.

I’m definitely not starving. Even if it’s a little bit, I’m always eating something, but strangely, my whole body is weak.

“Is the pain the same as before the return…?”

I thought it was because I gave up on my health before I returned, but what if it wasn’t?

  Even if I took good care of myself, I’m destined to get sick anyway. But didn’t he say there was nothing wrong when he examined me a little while ago?

“Well… I don’t know…”

I laughed weakly.

Since it’s not really painful anywhere, as the doctor said, it must be a symptom that will disappear only when Kaelus comes home.

“Coffee is not good either…”

I keep talking to myself like a lost person. It feels like the mouth is moving without going through the brain.

I really feel like I need to take a nap.

Thinking so, I slowly lifted myself up. 

Then.

“Madam? Are you sleeping?”

It’s the voice of the butler Uross. I answered, sitting up straight.

“No, come on in.”

The door opened quietly and Uross appeared with a slightly nervous look.

“You have a visitor to see you.”

“Hmm? Didn’t I announce that I’m refusing visitors for a while?”

“Yes, I did, but the person who came to see you…”

I noticed for a moment when I saw him trailing the end of his words.

There is only one high-ranking official who can defy the will of the duchess.

“Is it Hyperion?”

When asked, the butler affirmed with a strange face.

 “You don’t need any other explanation, ma’am.”

  “I’m not very happy to see him, but I can’t ignore him because he came through the rain. Take him here.”

“Yes, sir.”

Since Helios came undercover in secret, it was impossible to greet him in the drawing room.

After a while, Helios appeared quietly with the butler.

“Welcome, Hyperion.”

“…”

A face that doesn’t show much expression.

Why did I come all the way here in such a bad weather? I tried to roll my head in a daze because I was out of energy.

“Did anything special happen at the border?”

“Not yet.”

Then what?

Helios frowned slightly, as if my expression was quite disrespectful.

“That’s a sight. One might even wonder if Duchess Hestia was right.”

“…”

It doesn’t matter if the screw is loose or not, it doesn’t matter to me.

“I’m surprised you’re so cold-hearted that you’re so exhausted just because your husband is away for a while.”

What do you mean? What a bummer.

I shook my head with excitement.

“You don’t know how much I feel for my husband. It is deeply doubtful whether his highness, who fervently wooed his saint, is correct.”

I echoed what he said.

Surprisingly, he smirked.

“That’s more like you now.”

“…”

It’s rather annoying.

When you don’t want to think about it, it’s best to ask directly.

“What brings you here?”

“I want to ask you something.”

I stared at Helios. He rarely averted his eyes.

“…What you said that day…”

“…? …!”

I wondered what the hell he was talking about, until the memory came to mind slowly.

“Oh, you mean the day I told you I’d quit my job as an aide?”

Helios nodded hesitatingly for some reason.

“…Yes.”

I laughed bitterly at the question that was finally solved.

“If you’re going to blame me for my disrespect, I’ll take it sweetly.”

“No, it doesn’t matter.”

Oh, I see. Then you won’t mind if I relax my posture.

I leaned on the sofa and opened my mouth.

 “I can’t believe you don’t care about my disrespect.”

Did you say that in front of Kael because you felt a sense of futility? You must have forgotten your past fighting with Kaelus over Diana. What about the night of the dinner, you swore you’d never be greedy for Kaelus’ again.

Just go and pay attention to your wife is praying for someone else’s husband. Don’t spend time with other people’s wives.

I had a lot to say back to Helios, but I just kept it to myself.

Honestly, right now, I don’t have the energy to take it out.

“My words didn’t mean anything else at the time. You can take it literally.”

“For that matter, your condition was extraordinary.”

Helios seemed determined not to fall for it.

What I wanted to ask just popped out without going through the brain.

“What do you think I was like?”

He answered after a moment’s hesitation.

“…I’ve never seen you tremble like that before.”

“…”

How can I explain that?

I’m not sure I can say I’m confused because I don’t know where my reality is right now because I’m a fan from outside the book.

You wouldn’t believe it if I told you.

I should give a reasonably convincing answer.

What should I do?

“…When a competent person loses their ability, they are as embarrassed as such.”

Oh, yeah. This should do it.

In the golden eyes that looked at me, I continued with an expressionless face.

“There is a difference between what you know in your head and what you actually experience. Even if I knew in advance that my prophecies would disappear, I was afraid because it really disappeared.”

“Yeah…?”

Looking at the tapering golden eyes, I continued without stopping.

“Yes, her highness will be the same. She must have been very confused because the healing power she thought was natural has disappeared. So, her judgment became blurred… Isn’t that the case?”

“Hmm…”

Helios was getting more and more   expressionless. He didn’t seem to be easily convinced.

But what can I do? Even if he doesn’t believe it, I have no intention of explaining it more kindly.

After saying that, I shut up.

Now, if you got what you want, go back.

“…Okay. If you say so, I won’t ask you any more.”

“I thank you, your grace.”

I’m going to answer right away.

“But this time you answer honestly.”

“?”

Why are you coming on so strong?

The golden eyes of Helios shone sharply.

“It’s strange, I guess. Your prediction is generally accurate to the point of time, but it’s quite different now from when you predicted that your ability would disappear.”

Wow, it’s not easy.

How could you remember that I said that I would lose my ability in about two years and doubt the time difference from the actual date of my resignation.

“I’ll ask you honestly. Is there any prophecy you haven’t told me yet?”

Ah, you’re still greedy.

I wondered why you were worried about me, and as expected, there was a real purpose.

I’m tired. I’ve dealt with a situation when I don’t have any energy.

I should get it done quickly and let it go.

 “I’m sorry. At that time, I had a piece of prophecy that I didn’t know if you’d accept.”

“Ha…!”

Helios glared at me as if it were ridiculous.

“I trusted the prophecies to be honest and made you my aide, but as expected!”

“You’ll understand my judgment when you hear it. I have long known that your highnesses will be estranged almost like a stranger.”

“…”

“It was before you two got this bad. How can I you that in such a situation?”

“Whoo…”

A deep sigh of anger from the male lead.

I’m losing my strength too. Now I have a headache. I guess it’s more so because I barely ate anything.

If you’re done, please go. Yes?

“Then it means that we’ll just be like strangers, and Diana will still be the crown princess, right?”

It’s not over yet.

I stopped holding my temples because of the buzzing headache.

I’m choking up with annoyance. An answer that pops out again without thinking about it.

“Oh, well, until I died, the saintess was still the crown princess.…”

“!”

An instantaneous freeze of air.

“…!”

And I realized that I made a mistake one beat later than Helios.

Damn it.

I’m doomed.

My brain stopped because I had no energy.

“Before death?”

“It’s….”

It is actually extremely exhausting to hold on to the questioning. I’ve told Kaelus once anyway, so let’s just tell Helios.

“… I’ve told my husband before. I think the reason I’m losing my ability is probably because I’m dying.”

“Kael knows?”

“Yes.”

I shrank weakly. Damn.

However, Helios’ eyes were filled with force.

“Don’t lie. I told you to be honest.”

“Your bighness, I’m not lying…”

“Diana was a crown princess until ‘before I died’? Does that mean you’ve already died once?”

“!”

Crazy.

What is it?

Why are you so sharp?

“Oh, it must be true. This is it. This is the truth, Hestia.”

Helios laughed in vain.

“It wasn’t a prophecy! It was all real events. Until you died!”

Seriously, I can’t think of anything.

I should have eaten well. I should have replenished my energy earlier.

Why did you make such a fatal mistake in front of a fox who never lets his guard down?

Why do I have so many holes?

“Your Highness, to Kaelus…”

My voice is so unsightly that it sounds like it’s crawling.

“… Let me tell him. I won’t hide it, I’ll tell him myself.”

Then, a fierce question comes.

“What? You’re not really a prophet? That you’re back in the past after death?”

“Everything, everything…”

If I tell myself the truth, will Kaelus be as angry as Helios?

Would I be able to lie naturally if I could think?

“Hestia.”

“I’m so sorry…”

“No, don’t apologize, Hestia! I’m not angry right now!”

“?”

I stiffened up and looked at Helios.

Helios, who seemed to be at a loss, ruffled his black hair again and again.

“You can change it, right?”

“Yes…?”

He looked back at me ferociously.

“You can change it! You could’ve changed some of the things you’ve said so far, in your  prophecies! Isn’t that right?”

“Oh…”

It’s fifty-fifty.

Kaelus’ death was prevented, but Diana’s loss of power was not prevented. The empire prevented the war crisis, but it did not prevent Baron Potos from sinking the merchant ship.

There is a past that can be changed and a past that does not change.

Which of them is my destiny.

“I don’t know.”

I said frankly.

Then he gripped my arm with an angry force.

“Ugh….”

“You have to change it! If you don’t know how, come up with it! What do you want me to do with Kael? The guy barely survived thanks to you…!”

I frowned with throbbing pain.

“I’m not worried about Kael…”

“This…!”

Helios tried to shout something more but stopped. Instead, he let go of my arm that he was holding in pain.

“The reason you died… What was it…?”

His voice has softened up a lot. Helios seems a little bit genuine now.

I retorted, rubbing my arm gently.

“I think I’m sick…… I’m not sure. I didn’t get any treatment.”

“Why?”

Why is he in such a hurry to answer with an immediate question?

“I didn’t want to live.”

“Why…?”

Now it’s 20 questions.

By the way, I think I’m slowly getting out of panic. Seeing that you’re coming up with useless words.

I tilted my head and looked at Helios.

“Because Kaelus was dead. Because of you and Diana.”

“!”

I shrugged my shoulders at Helios, who had hardened.

“So as soon as I returned, I saved Kaelus first. The rest is as you have seen.”

Laughing in vain.

“Now you’re getting the pieces together, right?”

“…”

Leaving him standing stunned, I dragged my feet up to the terrace.

“It’s not just love. My feelings for Kael.”

“…”

“Kael is my life itself. You can’t compare it to a shallow love…”

I bent my eyes and laughed.

“I think you’ve got all the answers you want, your highness?”

The golden eyes full of emotion headed towards me.

“Did you say you got sick and died?”

“Yeah, well… to be honest, I guess that’s the case. I was definitely sick in the months before I died.”

“When?”

I noticed what he wanted to ask. There was a sudden smirk of laughter.

“Just around this time of the year?”

“!”

“But you don’t have to worry. My doctor examined me this morning and said I was fine.”

“I’ll send a doctor tomorrow.”

“Why would you? The duke’s doctor is also known for his name.”

“The more people who do it, the more accurate it will be.”

Helios continued to be stubborn.

It’s funny to wrestle with something like this. Let’s just let it happen.

“Whoa, do as you please.”

I leaned against the terrace door and replied.

~~~~

I stared blankly out of the terrace.

Helios’ carriage was leaving through the thinning rain.

“Ha….”

After an emotional ride on the roller coaster, I can’t think of anything like my mind is completely empty.

“It’s driving me crazy.….”

Helios is like a fox.

How can I pick up the fact that I’m a regressor when I just made a mistake?

It’s ridiculous and I can’t help but laugh.

“Ha… but I didn’t get caught being a possessor…”

If the conversation had been prolonged a little longer, J might have been caught as a possessor by leaking clues.

Helios is a human being who will know enough.

Anyway, Helios found out one of the secrets I was going to take to the grave.

I don’t want to make secrets between Helios and myself even if I die.

Therefore, my secret to Helios must be told the same to Kaelus.

“Whoo….”

In fact, it’s dark in front of us.

Whatever the content, I’m worried that I have to reveal the fact that I’ve been hiding something all along the way.

There is no way that it is not unpleasant. You must feel betrayed.

Whatever excuse I make, it’s an immovable truth that I lied to him.

I murmured to myself.

“I lied to you that I’m good at predicting things. I’m actually a regressor.”

Practice speaking without stuttering in practice.

I should either get in shape quickly before making a mistake or even refuse to visit Hyperion.

I couldn’t even eat a bowl of soup properly and greeted a fox-like person, so truth came out for a long time.

No, but that means I’m screwed.

As I’m certain that I’ll achieve my goal, my mind has become relaxed. Even though I shouldn’t relax until the end.

But this doesn’t change anything.

“It doesn’t matter if I’m a prophet or a regressor. Only Diana needs to kneel down anyway.”

When your head is complicated and things get twisted, you have to go back to the beginning.

What I wanted in the beginning. I thought for the heroine to desperately regret it.

All of the advantages gained through the impersonation and regression are only means to this, and it means that it is not my ultimate goal to firmly hide itself.

The unexpected unexpected situation has made my mind a little painful, but fundamentally, the goal I want to pursue does not disappear.

 It remains the same in the future as it has been.

I will punish Diana and make Kaelus happy.

~~~~

The next day, a real imperial doctor appeared in the mansion.

“His highness the crown prince sent me. He is very concerned about your health.”

“Oh, yes….”

The duke’s doctor, who was unaware of the context, looked at me with a strange expression. I shook my head still. It means you have to understand because there’s nothing you can do.

Eventually, the palace began to examine me as our doctor watched.

“Um…”

I asked in a blunt way on behalf of our doctor, who would have been upset.

“Everything’s fine, right?”

“Well…”

See? It’s the same. My doctor and I shrugged.

But thanks to you, I thought of a good business. An idea that came to mind when I saw the group of doctors gathered.

As more and more people doubted the purity of the temple, some of the lower ranks were also slowly leaving the temple.

The most passionate and pure group are those who have just become ranked. Therefore, when they found out that the temple was pursuing the secular world more than anyone else, they began to question the direction of the temple they believed in.

The main role of the new shrine is poor relief and medical practice. What I especially noticed was this medical sector.

Since the imperial palace doctor is here, let’s ask him.

“There are quite a few courtiers from the new shrine, right?”

“Yes, some were apprenticed under the doctor of the aristocratic family, and others entered the imperial palace after practicing medicine as a retainer.”

“How are the courtiers from the new shrine doing?”

To my question, the imperial palace doctor stretched his chest and answered with a gesture of pride.

“Whether they’re a priest or an apprentice, once they’ve entered the palace; it means they have the best ability in the empire, duchess.”

Next to him, the duke’s doctor held back his laughter. I didn’t want the answer either, but his expression was so serious that I couldn’t say anything.

Anyway, the palace finished its mission and returned safely to the palace.

It is better to visualize the inspiration that pops into your head as soon as possible. This is because only then will it develop from the level of “sudden thoughts” to “executable ideas.”

The first thing to do is to bring in medical talents who have left the temple before their skills are rusted.

I immediately called the butler and instructed him.

“I’ll have to put up a notice in the downtown square. We need to gather people who have learned medicine. Especially those from the new shrine.”

“All right, ma’am.”

Uross’ work is always reliable.

After gathering talent in this way, a general clinic will be created to ensure that medical practice is completely separated from the temple. It is also a good idea to set up a medical school to train more skilled professional doctors.

If the honor of the temple is ruined, then the function of the temple will dry up.

 I will peel off the package and blow out the foam. Remove everything except the kernel.

 “No more, let’s go back to God.”

Time to return to the original role of the temple.

I hope they will return to their original intentions.