Hamartia - Chapter 4

<Hubris>

-04-

Ha Yeonjae had always been a weird bastard.

“Hi.”

That stupid hello. I’m not okay at all.

The world of students was a small one. Jin Nana had ripped himself out of that social circle of that small world and went further down. If he had to express his mental worldscape in texture, Nana was enclosed in a slippery, cold spot.

It was a time when Nana felt that he had started getting used to the cold, and his senses had started getting dull. No, it was just a regular day. Yes, it was just another day.

The second fucked up turning point of his life, just like the day he saw his dad’s phone, came on any other day without warning, right in front of him.

“Hi.”

A very handsome boy. The turned up corner of his mouth left an impression on Nana.

Nana had briefly locked eyes with him, but he passed him by without responding. It didn’t matter how handsome that boy was. Nobody mattered. In the world of Jin Nana, nothing was important anymore.

But he couldn’t completely ignore him. It wasn’t his decision, though. The handsome boy had grabbed his arm. Contrary to his polite looks, the grip of his hand was very strong. He couldn’t shake it off.

“Let’s get something to eat.”

He was baffled. This person he’d never seen in his life had just greeted him, and had dragged him by the hand after saying they were going to get food.

“What do you like?”

“What are you?”

“I don’t eat fast food. Choose anything but that.”

The boy just ignored Nana’s question lightly and continued to speak. Nana just decided to shut up. Regardless, the boy kept dragging Nana around.

“Two soondae rice soups*, please.”

This bastard looks like he only eats steak. The boy had taken Nana to a soondae rice soup place with an illustration of a kind grandma.

“I’m asking what the hell you are.”

“This is the first time I’m trying this.”

Yeah. You look the type.

“Have you had it before?”

“No.”

It had been a long time since he had had a conversation with another person. Nana had unknowingly responded because the other party was so thick-skinned. When the rice soup had arrived at their table, Nana just ate without talking. He just continued to eat without a clue as to what was going on.

“It’s good.”

The other boy had said this without emotion, but he looked quite surprised. Nana’s face was quite similar. The soondae rice soup they had tried for the first time in their lives was really delicious.

“This is the first time I’ve had soondae, too. That’s an amazing taste.”

The guy looked like he came from a rich family. Regardless of his experience eating soondae, he just gave that impression.

Nana just quietly moved his chopsticks. He didn’t ask any questions. Nana thought that even if he asked, the other boy wouldn’t answer his questions before he finished eating.

“Seriously, what are you?”

And he was right. The boy responded with ease as soon as he finished eating.

“I’m Ha Yeonjae.”

“I have eyes, you know.”

Nana stuck his finger at the boy’s chest. He was wearing a uniform with his name on his chest.

But even without the name badge, Nana had heard that name before. The school that Ha Yeonjae attended was close to the one Nana went to. He’d heard time and again about how Central Middle School’s Ha Yeonjae was ridiculously hot. So when he’d first laid eyes on him, he knew. Oh, so this guy is Ha Yeonjae.

“Ha Yeonjae. Fifteen. Central Middle School. Only child born to a loving set of parents.”

Yeonjae continued to speak. It probably wasn’t a trick of his mind that he was a bit louder when he said “loving”.

“My best friend is Shin Jonghyun. Cat’s name is Jerry.”

“Who wants to know all of that? Not that, but why are you coming here to look for me? Why should I know the name of your cat?”

“To be honest, I don’t have a cat.”

Suddenly annoyed, Nana kicked Ha Yeonjae’s leg. He didn’t think he had kicked him too hard, but Ha Yeonjae was holding onto his leg and making a show of it.

“Why did you drag me out, and who are you? I don’t want to know your name, age, school or family, I want to know what your relationship is with me. Who are you to drag me around?”

“Ha Yeonjae. Fifteen. Central Middle School. Dad, mom, lovingly raised only child. Best friend is Shin Jonghyun. My dog’s name is Tom.”

“Fuck, you don’t own a dog do you.”

“You’re pretty smart.”

Nana kicked at Yeonjae’s leg again. He grunted in pain. Nana didn’t want to associate with him anymore, so he turned away. But he was caught again. He was being such a baby, but the strength of his hand was so strong it made him angry.

“Ha Yeonjae. Fifteen. Central Middle School. Father, mother, lovingly raised only child. Best friend is Shin Jonghyun. My father’s name is Ha Taeyeon. My mother’s name is Yoo Haejoo.”

Yoo Haejoo. Haejoo. Nana repeated that familiar name.

“Are you…”

“My mother’s lover is Jin Minjae. And I don’t think I need to tell you the name of his son.”

Nana brushed off the hand that was holding onto his shoulder. Haejoo. It was the name he had seen on his dad’s phone. He was the son of that woman? That woman’s son?

“If you want me to tell you our relationship, I can. You’re my mother’s lover’s son, and I’m your father’s lover’s son, so I think we’re pretty close. Right?”

Nana wanted to slap the smile off of Ha Yeonjae’s face. But he resisted and asked another question.

“How are you so fine with this?”

Yeonjae quietly burst into laughter at Nana’s question.

“Is it funny?”

“It’s just funny how my mom’s lover’s son just said my father’s name.”**

Mother’s lover’s son. Stop calling me that. Who’s a lover?

“If you call me like that one more time I’m not letting it go.”

“Then what should I call you? That’s who you are.”

“Just don’t call me anything at all. And that’s who I am? It’s not even going to last. Your mom’s going to end this someday. Why should we name a relationship that’s not even going to stay? Don’t make me laugh.”

Yeonjae’s lip curled into a smile.

“Just because it ends doesn’t mean that our relationship didn’t exist. You’ll always be someone who was my mother’s lover’s son-.”

With a loud thwap, Ha Yeonjae’s head turned. Nana had finally punched him in the face.

“I told you that I was lovingly raised…”

Thud-. Yeonjae held onto one of his legs and bent forward.

“It hurts!”

“I told you I wasn’t going to leave you alone if you called me that again.”

Nana turned away. But again, Yeonjae had grabbed his hand.

“I don’t care about whatever circumstances adults have. I don’t care what relationship the adults are in. So let’s forge our own relationship.”

What the fuck are you saying, you crazy bastard.

“Mind letting go? If you keep doing that your face might just become a mop.”

With a wince, Yeonjae slightly distanced himself from Nana. It must’ve hurt quite a bit. Nana resisted the urge to smile at the sight.

“So I’m trying to say…”

Ha Yeonjae had a solemn face. It made him look quite adult-like.

“Let’s be friends.”

Nana’s face scrunched up. He canceled the thought of him looking like an adult immediately.

“Are you joking? If you’re that bored, go play with that Shin Jonghyun or whatever friend of yours.”

“I’m not asking to be friends because I’m bored.”

Nana shifted his standing pose and looked up at Yeonjae.

“You said you have a friend. You have one and yet-”

“I’m not asking to be friends because I need one. I just want to be friends with you.”

Nana was so flabbergasted he felt like he was going to lose it.

“What would I gain from being friends with you? I don’t want to see you or your mom. Stop saying bullshit and just fuck off.”

Nana swiftly turned around and went the opposite way from where they came from. This time, he walked fast enough to not get caught. Enough for him to become breathless.

–

“So. Jin Nana. I thought his face was familiar. Isn’t he him?”

Shin Jonghyun’s ears perked up when he heard Kim Jaejin’s words. Everyone else in the classroom must have felt the same.

“Who’s ‘him’?”

“In middle school. You know, the guy that students called Lower North Middle trash.”

Ha Yeonjae put down his pencil and stared at Kim Jaejin.

“Hey. It’s him, right?”

Kim Jaejin nudged Yeonjae a few times. Yeonjae just curled his lip slightly, but didn’t respond at all. Jaejin didn’t expect a response, either. He had asked Yeonjae every single day about it, but he had never opened his mouth about Jin Nana.

“Why don’t I know this? Who’s Lower North Middle trash?”

“Wasn’t he famous in our school too? For snatching up girls who were already taken. When he transferred, all the girls talked about how they fell for his spell or something.”

“No way. Jin Nana’s super quiet and never talks, right? He has dark vibes, but he feels like…a nerd? Scholarly? Doesn’t he feel that way? What do you mean, trash?”

Ha Yeonjae burst into laughter. Jaejin and Jonghyun just looked at Yeonjae, who was busting a gut laughing. Why’s he laughing? Jonghyun nudged him once.

“Give us a reason for laughing so much. I want to join in.”

Ha Yeonjae sat up straight as he still laughed.

“I’m not telling you. I’m going to laugh by myself.”

“Yeah, there’s no way you’d tell us anything about Jin Nana.”

“Hey, just give up.”

Jaejin whined as he smacked Jonghyun’s back.

“That asshole doesn’t want anyone talking about his woman. He’s pissed, that’s what he is.”

All this while, Kim Jaejin had never believed any rumor he had heard about Yeonjae and Jin Nana. But if there was one rumor that annoyed him, it was that Yeonjae was gay.

This rumor was started by the students of Central Middle School, where Yeonjae attended. They’d said that Yeonjae was seen walking around holding hands with a pretty looking boy that looked like a girl. Honestly, he’d heard this a few times in middle school, but he had always just dismissed them as rumors.

But now, Jaejin found himself wondering if that was actually true, and that the girly boy was Jin Nana.

“Who’s my girl?”

Yeonjae barely stopped laughing and turned around to look at Jaejin. There wasn’t much of a difference in his expression. Yeonjae always looked like he was laughing but Jaejin could still tell that he wasn’t too pleased.

Even if Yeonjae wasn’t the type to get angry when he was displeased, there was nothing to gain for Jaejin if he pissed him off. Jaejin held up his hand to get Yeonjae’s attention off of the current topic.

“Them.”

When they looked at where Jaejin was pointing, they saw Jin Nana staring at Yeonjae. The latter stood up from his seat. When their eyes met, Nana came up to them. Like always, there was a small distance between them as they looked at each other.

Did he hear? Jaejin quietly looked at Jin Nana.

It was an objectively pretty face. The kind of face where ‘pretty’ matched more than ‘handsome.’ When he stood next to Ha Yeonjae, the two of them looked like a painting. It wouldn’t have been weird for them to be star-crossed lovers more than old friends. But what exactly was that distance?

As Jin Nana turned to leave the classroom, Jaejin opened his mouth in a panic.

“You heard it, right?”

Jin Nana’s clear, large eyes shifted towards the seat Jaejin sat on. When he looked at those eyes, Jaejin felt his heart drop to his stomach.

“So…uh…, that you’re the Lower North Middle…”

“…trash?”

“So you did hear.”

Having Jin Nana’s gaze on him made him feel nervous. Even if he was just another boy his age.

“I thought you said it for me to listen.”

Jin Nana’s mouth curved up slightly. It was the first time he had ever seen him smile. Jaejin felt like that smile was absolutely terrifying. Ha Yeonjae just quietly watched the two interact.

“What do you think?”

“What?”

“What’s your opinion on those rumors? You think I’m going to put a spell on you?”

Kim Jaejin’s face turned bright red.

“So? How is it?”

Nana leaned forward and looked at Jaejin, eye to eye. His soft hair brushed Nana’s forehead and fluttered away. The smell of shampoo hit Jaejin’s nose. He held his breath.

“Why aren’t you saying anything? What, did I enchant you too?”

Jaejin now completely understood what “having your soul sucked out of you” felt like. Jin Nana’s gaze felt like poison. He had a ton of things he wanted to say, but he couldn’t open his mouth. Seemingly knowing how Jaejin felt, Nana smirked and quietly said,

“I didn’t know I was going to make a guy fall for me, too. If you’re not going to hold onto me and cry, keep the fuck away.”

Nana slowly straightened his back. He glared at Yeonjae, who had just watched without a word.

“Who the hell is ‘your girl’? I guess birds of a feather really do flock together. Ha Yeonjae, you’re having fun, aren’t you?”

“I always have fun, thanks to you.”

Nana pressed his foot onto Ha Yeonjae’s, then quickly turned to leave the classroom. Yeonjae just laughed.

As soon as Nana had exited the room, all the students had burst into whispers.

“I’ve never heard Jin Nana’s voice before.”

“That was unexpected from him.”

“What’d he say to Kim Jaejin?”

Jaejin was lightheaded. His back was damp with cold sweat and even without seeing a mirror, he knew that his face was bright red.

“Shin Jonghyun, you said he looked like a nerd? What, a ‘scholar’?”

Jonghyun was equally shocked. He’d known that Jin Nana was odd, but he didn’t realize that he was this prickly.

“So why’d you start it?”

Ha Yeonjae, who was quietly laughing, pat Jaejin’s shoulder a few times.

“Oof.”

The strong grip on Jaejin’s shoulder probably wasn’t on purpose. Probably.

–

TL Notes:

*: soondae rice soup
-Soondae is a Korean blood sausage, made from pork or cow intestines and stuffed with various ingredients. Soondae rice soup is just soondae soup with rice, and is a common winter food (it really warms you up)!

**: “It’s just funny how my mom’s lover’s son just said my father’s name.”
Ha Yeonjae’s father’s name is Ha Taeyeon (like Taeyeon the artist). Taeyeon also means calm and collected when used as an adjective.