I Became The Male Lead’s Female Friend - Chapter 18

As I was listening to Rudrick’s story quietly, my head turned blank at that moment.

 

At the same time, I was a little angry.

 

You’ve been thinking about it for a long time, why are you blaming yourself? why don’t you listen to me? Why do you make that conclusion yourself? Why are you so scared enough to avoid talking to me…?

 

‘Just why are you so scared?’

 

I opened my eyes wide at the sudden thought. Then I was staring at Rudrick without realizing it.

 

What did you interpret my expression as?

 

When Rudrick, who seems anxious, speaks out again.

 

”Dahlia, I mean…”

 

“Rudrick.”

 

I asked abruptly.

 

“What are you scared of?”

 

Rudrick’s expression changed strangely for a moment.

 

But I was able to read it clearly.

 

The embarrassment, anxiety, and sadness in his trembling eyes… And fear.

 

Nevertheless, I couldn’t stop talking.

 

“Are you scared? Are you scared that I won’t like you?”

 

Rudrick’s breath stopped.

 

“Oh, no… ‘’

 

“Are you afraid that I’ll get tired of you?”

 

“No. That’s not…”

 

“So are you afraid that one day I’ll leave you?”

 

“…”

 

Before I knew it, Rudrick was shivering, forgetting to breathe.

 

Facing Rudrick like this, I was convinced.

 

Rudrick was certainly afraid.

 

‘He’s afraid I’ll change one day.’

 

He was blaming himself for my injury, and he was worried that I would be disappointed and become distant for seeing his poor appearance.

 

And as evidence to my opinion, Rudrick gave no refutation eventually.

 

Rudrick, who clenched his lips as if he was trying to say something, seemed confused.

 

At the same time, he seemed to be scared like a child who was caught hiding something.

 

After some silence, Rudrick struggled to speak up. The small voice that had leaked out was trembling terribly.

 

“…yes, that’s right.”

 

“…”

 

Tears fell to the floor. I suddenly looked up and stared at Rudrick.

 

”I, I’m… Because I’m a sloppy person.”

 

“…”

 

“Because I couldn’t take care of Dahlia as much as Dahlia cares for me, there were a lot of things I lacked, and I was too scared.”

 

“Obviously, if I’m next to you… you’ll get tired of me.”

 

Suddenly, Rudrick was crying. The tears-filled eyes and trembling look seemed precarious, as if he was going to collapse at any moment, but he didn’t stop talking.

 

“So… I’m scared. If I’m next to you, I’m afraid that I’ll hurt Dahlia someday, and…”

 

Rudrick said in a small voice.

 

“I’m afraid you’ll leave me…”

 

At the end of his words, none of us said anything for a while.

 

I bit my lips for a moment.

 

In fact, there was only one thing I could do. All I had to do was soothe him who was anxious.

 

Why do you feel anxious about the future that didn’t happen yet? and I just have to tell him again and again that I won’t leave him.

 

But was that really the answer?

 

If I push you to believe me, would Rudrick believe? Of course, Rudrick would try to believe what I would say. But his unresolved anxiety would keep holding him back.

 

And whether he noticed my worries, Rudrick’s expression was filled with bitterness. It was Rudrick who opened his mouth first.

 

“I’m very embarrassed. I’m sorry, it’s over today, so Dahlia would no longer feel tired being with me…’’

 

“Who said that?”

 

Eventually, I spoke out impulsively.

 

“What…?”

 

“Who decided that? That today’s the end.”

 

“Dahlia, I…”

 

Rudrick shouted his words as if in trouble, but I’m determined to tell him clearly. It was because I thought it would be better to push ahead like this.

 

Rather than appease Rudrick as I thought before, I looked rather shameless. Then I folded my arms promiscuously, raised my chin and began to chatter in a cold tone.

 

”I knew, but Rudrick doesn’t know anything about me.”

 

“…”

 

”You couldn’t get anything you wanted, but did you think I’d fall for it?”

 

“…yes?”

 

Suddenly, my attitude, which changed 180 degrees, made Rudricks’ face become softer..

 

“I’m not that kind. Do you think I was good to you?”

 

”Yes…?”

 

“Why are you pretending you don’t know?”

 

I laughed at Rudrick, who only answered ‘yes?’ like a broken machine, then I said confidently.

 

“I approached Rudrick on purpose because there’s something I wanted. I’m trying to be nice to you and gain benefit from it.”

 

Rudrick blinked quickly as if he couldn’t understand my words for a while. I felt his confused eyes looking at me asking me whether I really meant it or if it was a joke.

 

But who am I? I’m not an adult who can easily cook for a child like this to soothe him.

 

Rudrick’s face began to harden as he felt my words seemed quite sincere. And whether he accepted the situation belatedly, he closed his eyes tightly and gave an answer in a trembling voice.

 

“Of course.”

 

“Yes.”

 

“What could I possibly do for you?”

 

Rudrick’s face asking me seemed quite desperate, so I had to secretly chew the flesh inside my mouth.

 

“I would give you anything I could give you”

 

“…”

 

“I would do whatever I could for Dahlia, I would try to do everything I could.”

 

“…”

 

“So… ”

 

Don’t leave me.

 

It felt like I could hear Rudrick’s voice saying words he couldn’t bear to say.

 

I opened my closed mouth and took a deep breath for a moment. Then I looked straight at Rudrick and asked slowly.

 

“There’s one thing only Rudrick could do, but… “

 

“Please tell me.”

 

I slowly approached Rudrick.

 

“Could you really do anything I asked?”

 

“Anything”

 

“No matter how hard it is?”

 

“I could.”

 

“Then…”

 

Only then I stretched out my arms towards Rudrick.

 

As I got close to him, I took him by the hand.

 

Rudrick, who suddenly grabbed my hand and raised his head as if startled.

 

I made eye contact with him for a moment. His eyes were as clear as the blue sky.

 

I smiled at him like that. As if telling him that I wouldn’t get disappointed at him no matter what.

 

I spoke in a laughing voice.

 

“Be my friend Rudrick.”

 

I always had an idea about Rudrick and me.

 

‘What’s our relationship now?’

 

To tell you the truth, I was thinking we were friends.

 

Well, that’s what friends do.

 

You don’t have to ask the other person if you want to be friends, but if you hang out with each other, you could naturally call them friends.

 

However, Rudrick seemed a little different.

 

Since Rudrick didn’t have a friend in the north in the first place. Actually, I was in the same situation, but our circumstances were a little different.

 

I’m not old enough to socialize, so I hadn’t been introduced to my peers, and my parents would introduce me to children my age whenever I wanted.

 

But Rudrick, who grew up under the tough Duke of Bouser, was in the opposite position from me.

 

Although the north was a very isolated area, there would be many aristocrats in Bouser Dukedom, and it would not have been difficult to make friends if they decided.

 

But the Duke could not have allowed it.

 

Most of the former Dukes, the Duke of Bouser used to raise his successor like a ‘northern ruler’. Even people of similar social standing would not be allowed to interact comfortably, not to mention people with lower status than them.

 

And the Duke of Bouser this time was so severe that he could be called a ‘Trash’.

 

Wasn’t Rudrick, who grew up under such a ‘Trash Duke’ , became isolated?

 

‘Because you are my first friend.’

 

Not only that, but Rudrick seemed to be clumsy in interacting with people in the first place.

 

Since he was confined in the north, he must have never had a proper relationship with other people.

 

I could say that because our family was like the first family to interact with the north since Rudrick was born.

 

So even if I tell Rudrick now that ‘we are friends’, there’s a high probability that he wouldn’t understand it.

 

We’ve even been using honorifics to each other so far, let alone speak informally.

 

Although we called each other by name because of my proposal, we have been in an ambiguous relationship where we only call each other by name and use honorifics when we talk until now.

 

Maybe Rudrick was nervous about that. There’s no proper connection between me and him.

 

So I decided to name this vague relationship.

 

“Friend… what?”

 

A word that was both dependable and marriageable.

 

To become a ‘friend’.

 

“Yes, I haven’t had any friends my age until now.”

 

To be precise, a ‘friend’ hasn’t existed since I reincarnated. I continued talking with a lonely expression.

 

“So when I met Rudrick, I was excited. It’s my first time seeing someone my age. And Rudrick was pretty, cute, lovely. Won’t you be able to move on?”

 

“It’s not like that… “

 

“That’s right. Anyway! Then I made up my mind. I’m going to make you my friend right now.”

 

Honestly, it wasn’t very exaggerated, but most of what I said was sincere.