If I Can’t Be Your Wife - Chapter 85
Chapter 85
*****Warning. Self-unaliving thoughts*****
Alexis grabbed the back of the Empress Dowager’s neck who was rushing to run away.
“Let go!”
The appearance of the Empress Dowager, who turned around in a fit of rage, was a mess. She was born as the daughter of a marquis, became the crown princess and eventually ascended to the empress position.
“You again……!”
The Empress Dowager’s face contorted as soon as she realized that it was Alexis who was holding her. Alexis asked in a nonchalant tone.
“Did you want to be locked up in the dungeon instead of in the West Tower?”
“I told you to let go!”
“You can’t come out of the tower even if you die. The moment you get out, you’ll be guilty of treason. Aren’t you supposed to pay for your sins?”
“What sins!”
The Empress Dowager shouted curses, tears brimming in her eyes.
“Since my son became the emperor, I am the emperor’s mother. I deserve to be treated as an empress, but a sinner? You’re a b*stard grand duke and yet you act like I’m the sinner!”
She swung her arms like someone who had lost their mind. At that moment, the dagger that had been wrapped around her sleeve cut through the air and sliced through Alexis’ forearm. But Alexis twisted her wrist with an unchanging face. The dagger in her hand fell to the floor.
“Ugh……!”
“If you want your son to properly keep his throne.”
Alexis grabbed the neck of the Empress Dowager and spoke in a low voice.
“It would be better for you to die, no?”
“Me, why me? Why does the emperor’s mother have to die!”
“That’s true. What you wanted was not for Peter to become the emperor, but for you to become the emperor’s mother.”
Alexis said, who turned his head at an angle and met her gaze.
“You must have wanted to kill Isabella Winston to shut her mouth then lay the blame on her for the assassination so you can be freed from confinement. Because Peter can’t kill you. Is that it?”
When he released the strength gripping her neck, the Empress Dowager slumped to the ground and started coughing.
“Your Highness Grand Duke!”
Knights running from afar spotted the Empress Dowager and looked astonished.
“Go down and check His Majesty and see if the criminal is alive.”
“Yes!”
The knights glanced at the Empress Dowager and hurried down the stairs.
Alexis stepped on her ankle as he looked down at the Empress Dowager who was crawling away in the mud.
“Aack!”
It was funny seeing her face in pain. When she was bored, she called for him and had him kneel down for hours. Emily also said that the Empress Dowager would let her maids or other lower aristocratic ladies publicly trip Kathleen at tea parties or banquets.
She had only been stepped on once, and here she was acting all fussy. He had the urge to break both of her ankles.
“Do you think Peter can protect you after this?”
As he said the name of her only child in his mouth, the eyes of the Empress Dowager, as she took in labored breaths, filled with venom.
“Emperor Peter can’t do that anymore. I don’t know, maybe if he’d give up the throne as a condition.”
“H-How dare you…….”
“If you don’t believe me, ask him yourself.”
Alexis, who felt his presence coming up from the dungeon, stepped aside.
“…… Mother.”
Peter, who appeared from underground with a sad face, came closer.
“Why did you do that? You killed Isabella Winston!”
“Peter, no!”
The Empress Dowager shook her head frantically and said.
“The assassination of the Emperor was orchestrated by Winston and Alexis, and they blamed me! You are my child. Shouldn’t you believe your mother’s words?”
“Mother. Please…….”
“Why don’t you ever listen to me!”
The Empress Dowager, who had been begging just now, changed her expression in an instant and shouted at him.
“If it were not for me, would you have become emperor? I stopped that vile creature from coming after you, now you pretend you don’t know?”
“Please stop! It’s not enough that you disobeyed the order and escaped the tower, are you still saying these things? You directly touched a criminal who would have been executed according to due process!”
Peter’s words clearly showed that he did not believe in the Empress Dowager’s words in the slightest. Her attempt to turn the assassin into Isabella Winston in front of many failed.
“You…… You really.”
The Empress Dowager’s face contorted.
“I risked my whole life for you, until the end……!”
She screamed, picked up the dagger she had dropped on the floor, and ran towards Peter.
“Your Majesty!”
The knights were startled and ran to protect him, but they were too far away to stop her. Peter, who didn’t expect his mother to wield his blade at him, was also shocked and unable to move.
Alexis stepped in front of Peter and stopped the Empress Dowager. The dagger she wielded cut his shoulder.
“Your Highness Grand Duke!”
Alexis knocked her down and swung the longsword he took from a knight who had approached.
With a thud, the old woman fell down like a wet straw doll. The long cut on her chest was stained with red blood.
“Your Highness, are you alright?”
“You hurt your arm and shoulder. You need treatment right away…….”
The knights ran to check his condition, but Alexis stopped them with a single gesture. The Empress Dowager, who had already lost her breath, did not move from her spot.
As he slowly turned behind him, Peter stood frozen. Alexis drew closer, holding the sword.
“Peter.”
When he called his name, startled golden eyes looked up at him. Alexis handed him the sword.
“You now hold the sword. Do whatever you want and I will accept.”
He meant that he could stab him right there on the spot.
If it weren’t for this, Peter would not have realized it. Isabella Winston. Executing her wouldn’t have ended his mother. Alexis could not simply watch the Empress Dowager spend the rest of her life comfortably.
Kathleen was gone and still alone in the cold ground. Therefore, he had to kill the Empress Dowager with his own hands. Her imprisonment or execution was not enough.
Peter’s lips trembled. The corners of his eyes, as he stopped trying to say something, got wet, and the sword he held in his hand fell. Peter clenched his teeth and said.
“…… Retrieve the body of the criminals.”
As the knights hesitated, he raised his voice.
“Isabella Winston and Margaret Conroy were subject to summary judgment for the assassination of the late Emperor.”
Then he turned to Alexis and said,
“The wound is deep, brother. Go and get it treated.”
Peter, pretending to be calm, moved slowly and knelt in front of his mother’s corpse.
He didn’t weep, but his cheeks were wet with tears.
Alexis watched the scene, then turned around.
“Your Highness, go to the main palace. I will call the Imperial Physician.”
The chief aide, who arrived late, followed and begged him, but Alexis refused.
“I will go back.”
“There is a lot of bleeding. His Majesty will be worried if he hears that Your Highness left like this.”
Alexis left the palace without answering. Everyone he encountered was startled by his blood-soaked clothes, but he didn’t mind and got on his horse.
He was tired.
‘I would rather have ended up in Peter’s hands.’
He could not end his life leaving Luci alone, so he deliberately provoked him, but it did not work out. He intentionally precipitated the Empress Dowager’s escape, and closed his eyes to the dagger she had hidden.
He was disappointed because he didn’t die even though he gave her a few chances. In the end, he finally killed his half-brother’s biological mother with his own hands and gave him a sword, but even that failed.
Having to live holding on to an unbreakable lifeline was more painful than he thought. As the days of his life increased, the more tired he became. It was the same when he removed the people who persecuted her one by one. Far from being exhilarating, only the bitter pain remained.
‘Maybe it’s because it’s too late.’
It was what he should have done before her death, so what was the point now?
Alexis smiled bitterly and stopped in front of the Grand Duke’s main building and got off.
“Your Highness, now……. Your Highness!”
Alsdorf ran out in bewilderment.
“What are these wounds……. What happened to you? Didn’t you say you were going to a court meeting?”
Alexis asked, lightly pressing the hem of his shirt that was soggy and soaked in blood.
“Luci?”
“The young master is taking a nap. Don’t worry, the nanny and Emily are with him. Instead, get treatment. I’m going to call Dr. Cavel. Hurry up inside…….”
“It’s fine.”
He replied briefly and for a moment looked up at the child’s room on the third floor. Through the slightly open window, the faint sound of a lullaby could be heard.
Alexis went up the stairs and said to Alsdorf.
“Don’t follow me. I will be alone.”
“Your Highness!”
It’s annoying. I wouldn’t die from this anyway.
Alexis went up to the third floor while he ignored the sounds coming from the butler. As he headed straight to his bedroom, he remembered that to do so he had to pass through Luci’s room.
If the child wakes up and sees me…….
He stepped back. He didn’t want to show this to his child. He wanted Kathleen’s child to grow up unaware that his father was such a human being.
Alexis unconsciously opened the door to the nearest room and entered. But the moment the door closed behind his back, he immediately regretted it.
He was greeted by Kathleen’s bedroom, which he had never been in ever since they left for Mullen and returned from the North. White curtains fluttered. His eyes became hot as he remembered the image of her who looked as if she was about to fall as her body leaned down through the curtains.
Alexis walked over and sat down by the window. He grabbed the curtain and pressed his lips on it as if it were her hair.
I miss you.
Just once is fine, please.
It doesn’t have to be in this world…….
The urge to end his life by throwing himself out the window arose. However, he couldn’t do that, thinking that the woman wouldn’t be pleased with meeting him in the underworld.
“…….You said you wanted to get away from me, so I guess I shouldn’t.”
Alexis muttered in despair.
“You wanted to go to a place where I wasn’t, but if I chase you again, you won’t be able to rest.”
So he had to take as much time as possible so that she could catch her breath where she was.
“But it’s so hard to hold on, Kathleen.”
Alexis tightened his grip on the curtain.
“If I take care of Luci so that he doesn’t get sick, will it be okay then?”
It’s okay to curse me for being selfish, so I hope we can be together even from afar. I will do anything for you and my child…….
So, in the world after death, please don’t run away.
He swallowed the words he couldn’t get out of his mouth.
***
