I’m a Villainess, Can I Die? - Chapter 40

Chapter 40

Eunji disappeared and I fell asleep again. In this strange space, I slept endlessly. At this point, I wondered if it was Eunji’s wish or something. ‘I might just die like this.’

‘Oh, then again… it’s unavoidable.’

It was something that would make Eunji jump up and scream if she heard it. But after that thought, my hazy mind began to slowly return.

Faint shadows seemed to dance in front of me. My eyelids were so heavy that I couldn’t lift them all at once. When I applied force to my hand instead, it was barely moving.

Even the slightest movement dealt a considerable blow to the body.

‘Unghhh.’

An unexpected pain ran through my body. Was this hell? Did I fall into a fiery pit of hell? Why did my body hurt so much?

The more I moved my body, the more painful it was, but because of the pain, I moved reflexively. I twisted my limbs and exhaled harshly. My head was numb. When I fell, the pain I couldn’t even remember once dug through my whole body.

“Selena!”

“Selena!”

“My Lady!”

Loud voices were calling my name. But I couldn’t answer. My tongue tingled at the pain. My eyes still hadn’t opened.

If being conscious was this painful, it would have been better to lose consciousness and be trapped in that strange space again.

Someone touched my body. I could feel the tingling sensation of my skin burning. ‘Eunji, did you really empty it for me? Perhaps… you did have a grudge on me, didn’t you?’

Even Eunji’s pure kindness was a questionable pain.

“Agh…. Ah… Ah….”

I could hear the sound of gasping breathing in my ears. I remembered a bizarre scene from the exorcist program that Eunji was hooked on and I watched one episode. It seemed like I was just like that.

I could hear someone’s voice, but I couldn’t understand what they were saying.

“Cough… cough…”

Now, it really felt like the last time.

I jumped from the building like that, and it was at this moment that real death touched me. What did this mean? When I wanted to die, I came alive, and when I tried to live, I really died.

Even if the world granted Eunji’s wish, it didn’t seem like it was on my side. A dirty world, a dirty god, too.

The strength gradually drained out of my body that had been stiff all over. It felt like all my muscles were limping. The pain was also gone.

The pain had subsided and I was now able to breathe properly. ‘Oh, this is the end.’ My mouth tasted a bit bitter.

…fooh. No, really? It was physically bitter, not metaphorically. I didn’t realize until now because I was struggling with the pain, but as the pain subsided, I felt a bitterness in my mouth.

‘What is this?’ No, more importantly, I wasn’t dead. I gave strength to my heavy eyelids again. My muscles were pulled tight, but as I continued to apply force, the figures shone through my trembling eyes.

But it was hard to see who the figures were. There seemed to be several people, not just one.

Am I dreaming of a new person appearing again like before…?

“… Who… are you?”

“Sel… Selena?”

After speaking, my eyes didn’t open properly. It was difficult to distinguish people because it was dark all around, but when I heard a trembling voice, I knew who they were. Selena’s, no, now my mother.

It wasn’t a dream, it was reality.

Even if I couldn’t see her face well, I could imagine what kind of expression she was making. She must have been drenched in tears with a distorted brow. I wanted to correct something, so I tried to speak again… It seemed that the words I said ended the lifespan of my voice.

Oh my, this was how things became twisted.

“Oh my God… Our Selena… she must have lost her memory again! Huhuu.”

No. I remember it clearly.

After somehow overcoming the physical pain, a mentally painful situation was waiting for me. As soon as I opened my eyes, the tiredness of wanting to close them again came flooding in like water.

Soon, things got more complicated.

The doctor came and examined my body, and my mother was next to me crying. The expression on Father’s face as he comforted Mother was also very complicated. I couldn’t deny the situation, because they couldn’t hear my voice in the middle of a rush.

Brother fidgeted and stood by me, as did Lucas and Aiden. The priest I saw in the square was also standing next to him and praying. ‘Oh, thank you.’

In the midst of such a great frenzy, I thought of the doctor when he rolled his eyes once more.

Things would work out.

After all the doctor’s examinations, I had to drink the whole bottle of bitter medicine.

Perhaps it was the identity of the bitter taste I felt before I opened my eyes.

“It’s okay, Selena. Everything will be fine soon.”

It was a very courageous statement for me, who had lost my memory again. I nodded my head and fell asleep again. It was probably a side effect of the drug.

And the next day. Fortunately, it really worked out somehow.

When I woke up late in the morning, my voice began to come out, even if it was hoarse.

Lying on the bed, I looked around and saw the same people as yesterday, huddled up, looking down at me with bloodshot eyes. I sighed at the sight that you would only see in a horror movie.

“Mo… ther.”
At my call, Mother covered her mouth and nodded her head.

“Father.”

“Yes, yes. Selena.”

The title was still awkward. My throat was a little stinging, but my voice was plain even to my ears. It was a voice that couldn’t even get a glimpse of the joy of meeting my real parents. Maybe the facial expression too.

Even if Selena is another ‘me’, the past I remembered was the 27 years I lived as Eunji’s older sister. How could I accept all this in an instant?

Rather, it felt more awkward than when I was separating Selena and myself.

At the time, I thought it was the price of borrowing Selena’s body, so I could treat the family like I was acting… How should the real family be treated?

My mother’s hand, which was grabbing mine, was cold. My body felt cold with worry and tension.

Still, all I could do was not pull my hand away and just stare at the clasped hands.

Yes, that’s the new ‘me’.

I was really Selena.

“Does anything hurt?”

“My whole body aches. Sometimes it feels like I’m getting torn…”

I shrugged my shoulders to answer the doctor’s question, but spit out an ‘ah’ sound at the small pain I felt. Mother’s body flinched more than mine. I was in pain, but it seemed like Mother should have received consolation instead.

Well, it was because of me, so I had nothing to say.

“It may have been a crack in the bones. It would have had less impact if you fell from the tree, but it was probably from a tall height…”

The doctor, who was still talking, gently lifted his eyes and looked at the people around me. Seeing that everyone’s complexion rapidly hardened, I nodded my head to the doctor who was about to close his mouth, prompting him to continue talking.

‘Oh my, my neck hurts too.’

“It could be a muscle or bone injury. You also got bruises all over your body… Do you have any particular painful areas?”

“Well… Around the left elbow?”

The sensation I got was dull and tingling. At my words, the doctor rolled up my left arm, turned and pressed it, and looked at it. As the doctor said, there were bruises here and there on my left arm.

Also, there was a scab over the long wound that had been torn by being caught somewhere.

It was really hard to see. It looked like I hit my left elbow first. When I fell, I lost my consciousness and I couldn’t remember anything about it.

While I was jokingly commenting on my arm, the faces of those who looked at it turned blue.

From the beginning, the affected person themself was fine, but the bystanders didn’t seem like they were.

It must have been the doctor or the maids who changed the clothes I was wearing, and they would not have been able to look at the wounds on my body because they were too busy.

However, it was not possible to examine the patient here and there, so it was the first time they had just seen the wounds in areas other than the visible ones.

I was overcome with a strange feeling as I watched these people turn blue because of me alone. There was a family that wounded my body, and there was also a family who got worried about my wounds.

There were people who despised me just because I existed, and there were people who felt happy just because I was alive.

Would this always happen again in the future? Would I be able to adapt well enough so that in the end, as Eunji or as another me said, the day would come when I suddenly became happy?

My wounds throbbed.

I made a promise with Eunji, but I couldn’t picture a happy future with my sincere smile among it. It was like I couldn’t remember what I looked like in my previous life.

Oh really…… Still, I was really me.

With the result of the doctor’s examination, it was presumed that there was a long wound on the left arm and a crack on the elbow, but there were no more serious injuries in other places.

This was good enough for a fall from that height.

Fortunately, I had to live in this condition for the next 4 years.

I nodded and said thank you. According to the expert’s opinion that I was in good condition, the large number of people who were nursing me rushed out. The air in the room was fresh, as if several people that had gathered in an elevator left.

Now all that was left in the room were my parents and Brother. There were only three people. The fresh air in the room was nice, but it was cramped in another sense.

“Well…”

Even when I opened my mouth, the three of them got very nervous. I was the one who was sorry, but the image of them twitching sheepishly reminded me of the old days of the engagement ceremony.

Did I really have to live like a princess trapped in a tower now?

As I continued my useless thoughts, the three of them let out a small sigh and trembled even more.

“I’m sorry.”

“Selena?”

My father asked about my sudden apology. It was a look of regret. Like, ‘What are you sorry about?’

‘Everything. I’m sorry for everything.’

I couldn’t put it into words. It’s not that I didn’t think about those who were left behind, but it felt different to come face to face with reality than just imagining it.

The people who shone were trembling in such a haggard way…

“I’m sorry. I’ll never think of bad things again. I am sorry to have caused you trouble.”

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