I’m a Villainess, Can I Die? - Chapter 45

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Chapter 45

As Aiden’s silence continued without him looking at me, I finally opened my mouth again. One must bow their head first before apologizing.

Before opening my mouth, I glanced back to see if Aiden was looking at the mere empty space… Yes, it was just empty space.

Aiden’s gaze finally turned to me at my pointless movement.

“And… I’m sorry for telling you to buy some medicine then running away, and for jumping off right in front of you.”

Aiden took a breath at the straightforward story. The gaze that was barely looking at me lost its focus again, and he turned to me again repeatedly.

‘Oh dear, he looks confused. Sorry.’

Aiden, who looked more confused than I had expected him to be, buried his face in his hands with a deep sigh. What kind of expression did his face, covered with those two large hands, make?

While thinking unnecessary thoughts and looking only at the top of Aiden’s head, he slowly raised his head. Both of his trembling eyes were red.

“Actually… I was disappointed.”

Aiden spat out those words and shut his mouth again.

He seemed hesitant about something.

He already admitted that he was disappointed, what else was there to hesitate about? Besides, it wasn’t like he was quitting the company, and it wasn’t easy to complain to one’s superiors.

‘What a dirty world.’

“I hear the Lady leaving behind the words ‘I’m sorry’ and then jumping off without any regrets… Seeing it even with magic abilities… I was disappointed in myself for not being able to do anything.”

‘What is this turn of expectations?’

Aiden, who uttered incomprehensible words, twisted his face in pain. Apparently, it was him, not me, that Aiden was disappointed with. Towards himself. Not me, the one who deceived my family and left Aiden behind, leaving only two words of apology.

“Why…”

Why was he feeling guilty?

He was just like me…… in the past.

The first thing I did in my previous life after giving up my family’s love was thinking, ‘It was my fault’.

Yes, I blamed every little thing on myself. Because I didn’t want to be hurt by my family or other people.

Blaming myself rather than others made it easier to understand what was bothering me, so I could justify others by saying that it was my fault. If that was the case, then all the situations could be justified as unavoidable.

As I slowly closed my eyes, the indelible past flashed in my vision. I opened my eyes again as my eyes met with the dark black ones.

It was for about 27 years. Even if I was the real Selena, the long past wouldn’t let me go so easily.

“Why are you blaming yourself?”

‘You and me, we’re both innocent. Me, who jumped to escape, and you, who couldn’t catch me. We’re innocent.’

However, if there was anything wrong with me, I jumped right in front of him. I was trying to blindly turn my back on people, thinking that it was ‘Selena’ who wanted it.

Yes, that would be it. There was nothing wrong with him.

Yet he was blaming himself.

“You never learned magic properly… Aren’t you too greedy? It’s already enough. It’s not your fault at all.”

“However… I was able to save you and keep you intact enough.”

“Whether you save me or have me a little injured, it’s okay because I’m alive. If I had just fallen from that height, I would have died instantly. You used your magic to make me live. That’s enough. Or did someone say it was your fault?”

Aiden slowly shook his head at the words I uttered.

‘I suppose so.’ As far as I knew, there was no one who could blame Aiden for jumping and hurting me in this Duke’s residence. Rather there would be people who would give me gifts for living because of Aiden.

“Bring them to me. I will tell them.”

In fact, I wished he wouldn’t bring someone. I would have nothing to say if he brought my father. ‘If possible, raise your dreams, have hope, and have courage so that you can handle it for your own good.’

Still, I had to say something like this. Aiden looked so unstable at this moment. I felt guilty because I thought it was all my fault.

Aiden didn’t answer. I didn’t even ask for an answer in the first place, so I fixed my gaze forward and said what I was planning to say.

“Blaming yourself becomes a habit. Even if it’s not really your fault, you will make everything your fault. So, fix it if you can.”

Blaming yourself was a good excuse and silent poison.

It was because you couldn’t and you were wrong.

Those words easily concealed the truth and made the unnatural circumstances natural. It made it impossible to call the perpetrator as the perpetrator, and blurred the boundaries between right and wrong.

While being slapped on the cheek and being subjected to unbearable verbal abuse and violence at a young age, I made it natural. Both for me and for others.

It was a temporary shield, but when one dug into me like a thorn and took another glance at me, I would already be a rag.

Of course, even after I became a rag, I still said it was all my fault.

‘Bad habits are so scary. It’s good to catch a three-year-old habit when you’re still at the age of three.’

“I’m thankful to you, Aiden, in many ways, and I’m sorry too. Let me know if you want anything. You are my lifesaver, so I will listen to anything.”

I was seriously thinking of doing anything for him. Of course, it would not be easy if I were to hear words such as ‘Give me all your fortune’, but I wanted to do something else.

The crude idea of ​rewarding ​healing the wound was funny, but I still wanted to do something.

Come to think of it, it seemed that in the book, after Selena was imprisoned, Aiden got the title of a wizard and a house.

I think he was very happy with the title he got after hitting Selina in the back of the head.

“The title of a wizard…”

The house seemed a little too big for me to promise. Of course, as a Duchy member, I would inherit that much fortune, but it wasn’t my money to use in a snap… Instead, it seemed that the wizard title would be gotten if I asked Father.

Of course, I seemed to be using my father’s power and not mine, but… ‘I’ll pay back Father with something else later, alright?’

“How about a wizard title? To be precise, the title of being the Duchy’s wizard.”

Aiden, whose mouth was so wide open that it seemed as if his chin was about to fall out, hurriedly gathered his expression.

The corners of his clenched lips were trembling.

“But I am a servant from the street?”

“Whether you’re from the street or from the skies of heaven, why would it matter? I’m giving the title because you have the talent for it.”

He had the ability, so I had the reason. There were supporters who would support him from behind too. What was the problem?

“Most of the high-ranking wizards in the magic tower were originally nobles… They say they don’t like commoner wizards.”

Was there such a situation? That wasn’t even discussed in the book, so I didn’t know about it. So, that was why when he discovered his magical ability, he didn’t go to the tower right away and hid his ability instead?

‘Anyway, this is why people with needlessly high noses are so bad.’

It reminded me of a former co-worker who discriminated against people based on their college. Even classmates scratched my nerves for the fact that I was adopted.

What did it have to do with class distinction? The world revolved around ability to succeed.

“And… I… I don’t want to leave the Duchy.”

…The last words were a bit surprising. Did he like the Duchy that much? Did he not want to leave the Duchy so much that he didn’t even consider becoming a wizard? He was truly a compassionate person.

Anyways, Aiden seemed to think that to become a wizard, he had to go to the magic tower.

However, the reality was not necessarily so.

I might not have known more about the structure of the magic tower than Aiden, but I knew you could be recognized as a wizard without going there.

In the book, Aiden was recognized as a wizard without going to the magic tower. That’s right, he did it by… hitting the back of… Selena’s head…

I stopped thinking and lifted my head. When I met his green eyes, a dangerous question arose as to what Aiden would have done to hit the back of Selena’s head.

“When did I tell you to leave? I told you to be the Duchy’s wizard. I can’t just have Sir Lucas as an escort forever… A wizard escort would be a good addition.”

“What? Then…”

“If you become a wizard, I will make you my escort. The rank is higher than that of a servant, and the treatment of an exclusive escort depends on the person who you serve, so, there will be less people that ignore you like Lia…. no, Mia.”

At the words ‘wizard escort’, Aiden blinked his eyes like a fool. Didn’t it look like there was more to an escort than being a servant? And I thought it would be more comfortable for me to attach him as my escort rather than just giving him the title of a wizard.

Was it possible to take over the predecessor wizard?

I was sorry for Aiden, who struggled with pain just because he couldn’t save me, but I didn’t know what a human life would be like.

“It’s something you don’t have to answer for sure right now… Think slowly. If you want to be one, I’ll go ask my father.”

Aiden, who was lost in thought, slowly nodded his head.

His face was still blank, but he seemed to have slightly escaped from the guilt of thinking that I had been hurt because of him.

This seemed to be a good result, and I nodded my head satisfactorily.

Now that I had done my job, it was time to go back to my room, eat, roll around and sleep. I should have listened to the Doctor or used a very innovative means of transportation… My fatigue was terribly extreme.

I shook my head at my hazy mind.

“Are you okay, My Lady?”

Aiden immediately asked. ‘Where did the person who didn’t even give me an answer all day today go?’

“It’s okay. I’m just a little tired… I have to go…”

I glanced at the back of the door.

I shouldn’t have sent all of the employees away, I should have kept at least one.

I only needed to apologize and thank Aiden but… I didn’t want to ask him to take me to my room. But if I asked to call someone, I would be transported like before.

Aiden tilted his head as he saw me refusing to budge.

“Want me to help you?”

“Yes.”

Before Aiden changed his mind, I replied bluntly. This was because Aiden asked first and if I rejected his favor, it would be embarrassing. After making a self-rationalization, I grabbed Aiden’s hand who approached me.

As I lifted my limp hips to get up, the box on my leg rattled.

‘That’s right, the cake.’

I was so distracted that I forgot the cake. It would have been a disaster if I had just gotten up. I picked up the box and placed it on the empty chair Aiden was sitting on.

“What is that, My Lady?”

Aiden, who had been observing my actions, knew that it was for him only when I put down the box and got up.

“A visiting gift.”

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