I’m a Villainess, Can I Die? - Chapter 54

I wrote a rough reply to Jacob’s letter. It was a response with simple and clear content, without useless rhetoric. Oh, I paid a little more attention to the handwriting, too.

As I wrote down the reply and had Jacob’s letter spread next to me, it came to me that my handwriting had developed. I thought it was a bit too messy, so I was more careful than usual.

“What do you think?”

When I showed Aiden the letter I had written and asked him that, his expression quickly hardened. It was clear that he couldn’t even open his mouth. I felt like he was at a loss and it was because of me, so I decided not to listen to his answer.

It wasn’t that bad, right? I glanced over the letter I painstakingly wrote.

Well… Well, the fact that I tried mattered.

Without any regrets, I folded the letter, put it in an envelope, and stamped it with wax.

After I wrote the reply to Jacob’s letter, it was already close to dinner time.

I had plenty of time to spare, so I calmly opened the door to the dining room, and my family, who had arrived first, greeted me warmly as they sat there.

How leisurely did my family come to the dining room? Even today, I sat down thinking about the question I had at every meal time.

We had smoked chicken with onions for dinner. I murmured and picked up the red onion with a fork, but it reminded me of red tea when I looked at it.

And when I thought of tea, I remembered the greenhouse party a few days ago, and when I thought of the greenhouse party, I remembered Jacob, and when I thought of Jacob, I remembered the letter.

Is this an example of the association technique?

“What’s wrong, Selena?”

I paused my hand with a small admiration for the association technique as Brother, sitting across from me, called me.

“Mother, Father.”

When I called, my parents looked at me with a kind smile. The smiles that seemed to listen to whatever I had to say always felt so unfamiliar, yet comfortable.

In my previous life, I’ve always only seen the hardened faces and frowns of my parents.

Unconsciously, thinking of my parents from my previous life, I felt as if they were looking at me coldly behind the two smiling people.

‘This isn’t yours. You should not be loved.’

It was a familiar voice.

This was stupid… When would this shadow completely let me go?

“Are you sick, Selena?”

As I touched my temple, Mother, sitting next to me, stroked my hair with a worried expression.

I shook my head at the soft, delicate touch.

The shadow of my previous mother, who looked down at me with cold eyes, had long since disappeared.

“No. It’s not that… I want to go to the opera next week.”

“Opera? Oh…”

Mother said so and could not continue her words. With her head lowered, her face looked darkened.

It had already been two months, but since I went out and deceived everyone that day, it seemed that they were uneasy about me going out again.

That was understandable. It was inevitable.

I carefully raised my hand. The target was the top of Mother’s hand, but I could not move it easily. Secretly hesitating to hold her hand, I soon made up my mind and took it.

Mother looked at me in amazement at the sudden touch.

When I found out that I was Selena, I accepted it and accepted her family as my own.

However, I could not fully accept that fact to my bones.

The dark shadows of the past still didn’t let me go. That was proven just a moment ago, right?

Whenever I tried to accept anything, memories of my past would spring up and point fingers at me, asking, ‘Are you worthy of this?’

In the end, I took the love my family showed me as mine, but contrarily, I could not easily express anything to them.

So I couldn’t be a good daughter. Well, maybe that was why, because I only received things and couldn’t express things, so I felt very selfish.

I knew the feelings of a person who only gave infinitely. I knew the heart of a person who gave, gave and gave, until the well in their heart would dry up.

Even though I knew that, I always hesitated and tried to avoid it.

About two months had passed since the accident, and since I patted my mother’s back, who was in tears on the day of the accident, I hadn’t been able to hold her hand.

My ankles felt heavy for no reason, so I lightly brushed them from under the table.

Mother looked at her hand as I held it, and her eyes, wide open, blinked a few times. She seemed to be holding back tears. It was, indeed, a house full of tears.

They must have cried a lot when I was the vicious Selena, before I remembered my past life.

Mother held back her crying in the end. A strong smile appeared on her face, holding back her emotions.

“Don’t worry, Mother. I promised. I will never think like that.”

“…Yes. Selena. I… believe in you, do you understand?”

A trembling hand caressed my cheek. I closed my eyes and smiled as I put my cheeks into the palm of Mother’s hand, thanking her.

I was the first to bring my cheek to her, so it was truly a great development. The others glanced at this side with surprised faces, as if they felt the same way.

Maybe, like this… even though I was still unfamiliar and clumsy… If I slowly approached my family like this, and then could think of this family as completely mine… Could I be a little happier, as Eunji said?

With the anxious permission of my family, I set the terms myself this time.

Lucas and Aiden would be there to accompany me.

As me going alone seemed to make them feel uneasy, I mentioned the two of them, and the family looked more relieved.

After the dinner with a good outcome was over, I ate dessert separately in my room. It was because the whole family was so busy with work that there was no time for dessert after dinner.

Haha, they all managed this large estate… they’d obviously be busy. In addition, there would be a lot of work to be done before the capital’s founding day next month, as we would also have to participate in that.

On the other hand, for being the 19-year-old princess of the duchy, I might’ve been too relaxed. What was there to do, though? I didn’t know what to do.

Just being quiet helped. My family seemed to be very satisfied with that.

Aiden and Jane, who had a leisurely time together thanks to their leisurely owner, were together during the only leisurely dessert ‘me’ time in this family.

Well, Aiden was actually my dessert time buddy… Jane was just as happy as Aiden when I gave her a cake the other day, so sometimes I invited the two over for snacks.

At first, Jane was baffled by this odd combination, but now she was enjoying this time more than anyone else.

“I am so very happy because I am a maid of the Duchy, no! Because I am the lady’s maid.”

As she admired the strawberry cake, which seemed fluffier today, Jane opened her mouth with a fresh smile.

“If Sir Aiden becomes a wizard later, I will be the only maid for the Miss! Absolutely just me! Please say so.”

Following Vivian, this was an active courtship. It was a pretty sweet courtship, too.

Certainly, if Aiden’s place was vacant, I seemed to be better off with Jane, who was relatively more familiar than the others.

I could now comfortably greet other employees, but not as much as these two.

Well, that was a good thing. If their boss was having a hard time, it would be hard to come up with the right words.

Aiden got surprised by Jane’s remark, instead. It didn’t seem to be because of the ambitious content asking him to hand over his place, but because of the premise of “him becoming a wizard” being attached to it.

They were very witty, even during the day.

I felt sorry for Aiden, who was eating the cake while looking around, so I decided to turn the conversation around. Cake should always taste delicious.

“Aiden, does the theater do opera every day?”

Come to think of it, I didn’t know anything about the opera I was going to see next week. Opera never appeared in the novel, or even if it did, I couldn’t remember… I didn’t want to appear so ignorant in front of Jacob, no matter how much I was known to have lost my memory.

“No, the opera singers in the Empire do tours. Originally, there were only three theaters in the Empire. The Imperial Opera House in the capital, the White Opera House here, and the Opera House in the North. So, during the opera season, people visited a lot of the Duchy’s estates.”

As if reassured that the conversation had turned, Aiden answered with a smile as usual.

“And the opera to be held this time is a performance by a famous theater company, and it is said that the first performance would be held in the White estate.”

By the way, there were only three opera houses in this empire. That would be good business.

Everyone who was laid-back wanted to enjoy cultural life, and would travel from afar, even for a few days, to see the opera. The leisurely cultural life of these people would not just be worth a penny or two… This was a complete monopoly.

Perhaps the White Opera Theater was built by combining the status of a Duchy and being of the pro-imperial family. That’s why everyone was trying to get their hands to their superior… Because unexpected profit could fall.

After realizing, again, that human affairs were the same here and there, I poked a spoonful of cake into my mouth. The sweet taste overflowed in my taste buds, contrasting with the spice of reality.

E/N: (I think I’ve called myself PR before but I’m the same person, I’ll just use E/N from now on) Sorry for not being able to pick a better word for “poked” and “spice”, lol. The point still gets across though I hope.

Time flew by, and soon the promised day came.

“Why are there so many people, Lady?”

‘What’s he talking about?’ I gently wiped the back of my hand, kissed by Jacob, on my dress and looked around.

Were there many people? I didn’t think so… It was just me, Aiden, and Lucas.

Wasn’t this just three people? I was thinking about bringing Jane, who was dazzled by the opera, but I held in the urge to do so.

Well, it seemed that Jacob viewed this as a date and came alone, but I didn’t remember writing that I would come alone in the reply.

“Are there?”

I responded calmly, pretending I didn’t know anything. What could I do, because I had no clue?

“That is… No. Because today is not the only day.”

Hesitating to say something, Jacob squinted his eyes. I wonder if Jacob is someone who is prone to getting things inside his eyes. Squinting here, squinting there.

I roughly dismissed Jacob’s words and actions and looked up at the magnificent opera house in front of me.