Love Doesn’t Matter - Chapter 81
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Chapter 81 – It’s Alright Even If It’s Only An Illusion
Emilia felt her physical limitations after a week of starting to work. Although she only worked for three days a week, her hard work started from 10 am in the morning and ended at midnight the next day, making her nearly half-dead.
Mitch suddenly blocked her when she had just arrived home in a state where she would faint with a touch on her forehead.
“Let’s talk.”
“… Later.”
“That letter.”
Instantly a light flashed in Emilia’s eyes.
“You….”
“Yeah, I read it. Sorry.”
He didn’t seem sorry at all contrary to his words. No, her brother was angry.
“The reason you can’t go to the New World is because of us, isn’t it?”
“What?”
“It was because of our family. About Charlotte to be exact.”
Emilia couldn’t hide the expression on her face when he hit the bullseye. Mitch’s eyebrows frowned as he stared at her.
“Ah, I’m so pissed off.”
“What? You’re pissed off? You?”
“Yeah, I’m so mad I am going crazy. It’s driving me nuts!”
Emilia was even more startled by her younger brother yelling.
“You’re out of your mind, Mitch Bern. What are you so angry about?”
“You won’t believe me!”
What? Her blinking eyes took in the sight of her strange younger brother.
“I can take care of Charlotte even if you weren’t here. Charlotte is also my younger sister. She’s not a burden to shoulder all on your own!”
Emilia couldn’t say a word anymore. When did this child turn out like this? Mitch’s eyes, which became adult in a matter of a few days, stabbed her chest.
“This isn’t the time for you to wash dishes. Don’t think about anything, and do as you’re told in the letter. Go find him right now. Go and tell him you’re leaving. Get a scholarship and ask for living expenses. Go study in the New World!”
Emilia choked on the lump in her throat. She then opened her mouth, “I don’t want to.”
Mitch’s face lit up.
“I’ll take care of Charlotte!”
“… It’s not just because of Charlotte. It’s also not because I don’t trust you.”
“Otherwise, what?!”
His shout echoed throughout the dark forest and rang in her ears.
Charlotte was mostly the reason why she couldn’t go to the New World, but there was another wall that was hard to overcome. It was… Hadius Meyer.
Emilia swallowed the words in her throat. She clearly remembered the fear that rose up in her as much as her excitement as she read Nathan’s letter. Hadius had his eyes on Nathan Malvin. Even if he didn’t find out that Nathan Malvin sent her a letter, Hadius would one day know the facts if she left for the New World with Nathan.
How will he react? Hadius was a man who collected pistols as a hobby, jumped into the battlefield for the family business, and graduated from the military academy as an ace. She could never forget his growling image as he said, ‘I will take care of it’ and ‘I will kill it.’ But this was no one else but Nathan Malvin….
“I’m not going to the New World. Never.” Emilia emphasized it once again, as if it was what she was determined to do.
“I’m serious because I don’t like it. I don’t want to live apart from you, Charlotte and Mother. That is really why I am not going.” She answered, as if trying to appeal with sincerity, but for some reason, she couldn’t keep eye contact with her younger brother.
“I… will continue studying. I don’t have any intention to work at the scullery all my life either, but I have to save a little more money now. It’s not too late for me to start when I can already afford it.”
“But, Sister….”
“A lot of people in our world live that way, Mitch. Including mother.”
(T/N: Emilia is not necessarily talking about the literal world, but she must be referring to their world of them being lower in terms of class in the society.)
Mitch flinched at the word ‘mother.’
“Most of all, Mother wants you to continue your studies, not be locked up in this stuffy forest to take care of Charlotte.”
“B- but it wasn’t only me that Mother was concerned about. She also wants Sister to continue studying. You said I am the biological son, and so you want me to study….”
“Yes, I know. I know that Mother is the type of person who differentiates between her biological son and step-daughter.”
Emilia gently silenced her younger brother.
“You keep forgetting something, but I received enough education for the past five years. However I was treated in the House of Cavendish, it was a great fortune that ordinary people couldn’t even dream of. It was time for that luck to come to an end and for me to return to reality. I am neither a commoner or noble, nor the fiancée of the Meyer family, but the eldest daughter of Kallia Bern, the widow of a factory worker.”
Mitch didn’t say anything. His sister was definitely right, but on the other hand, she was also wrong. But he couldn’t pinpoint just where she was wrong, and he felt irritated.
Emilia put her arms around his shoulders and patted him gently, as if she knew very well her brother’s feelings.
“Your sister is the happiest when she is with her family – no, I am the type of person who will only be happy with our family.”
“…”
“Forget about the New World. No matter what you say, I won’t change my mind.”
Mitch couldn’t answer again, and Emilia relaxed her hands as she stroked his skinny body.
“The wind is cold. I will go in first, so don’t take too long there, okay?”
Left alone. Mitch stared blankly at the empty seat his sister had sat on and disappeared. He then kicked the tree trunk, saying, ‘D**n it!’
“You’re lying….”
A dull pain went up his ankle and stabbed the pit of his stomach.
“You want to go but you can’t… because of me….”
His tears welled up. Mitch pressed his eyes tightly and tried not to cry like a child. No wonder Sister doesn’t trust me. The Annihilation Squad completely made me lose my family’s trust in me.
Mitch also understood his sister. In fact, deep down in his heart, he was unable to abandon his desire to jump into the waves of revolution. But this was a story of when he becomes an adult in the future. Right now, he was willing to give up on his dream to take care of the family. I will work for my sister, feed Charlotte, wash her, put her to sleep, and be her eyes. I’d be happy to do it for my sister!
“Her stubbornness… she knew that without her, the family would starve to death….”
Emilia’s appeal to sincerity was of no use to him. Mitch couldn’t accept that his sister was kicking this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
Nathan was looking down on a gentle slope by the north wall of the estate.
The post office carriage was gradually moving away until it disappeared into a small dot. No reply today as well. Neither in the brewery nor to Luxell’s office, she had sent replies to none of them.
He didn’t expect for it to be easy when he first wrote the letter to her. She must be flustered for him to suddenly ask her to go to the New World. It was true that when Nathan first heard of the New World from Benjamin, he didn’t feel very happy. So he deliberately mentioned it lightly. He gave her the nuance to think about it without feeling burdened.
However… why is she not even sending a reply? Why am I even like this early in the morning? Nathan looked down at his trembling hands.
“Why don’t you go and visit them in person? Then see the one you were always waiting for.”
A voice echoed from behind him. It was Benjamin Luxell.
Nathan shook his head with a wry smile. All he could think of was Emilia’s refusal when he visited her that day.
“… I hope you are not feeling too sad. According to Lord Malvin, she is tied into an engagement and couldn’t do this and that.”
How nice if it would be like that? Honestly, how much better it is if you were also looking at me, and hesitated because of my identity, or the high wall of status between us? Nathan also thought of this at first. She was drawing a firm line between them because she had already been hurt by nasty nobles like the Cavendish and Meyer.
Didn’t I also think of her as a ‘mistress’ at first? That’s why he was confident – that he could break down Emilia Bern’s walls and get close to her easily. However, he was conceited. It was his terrible arrogance. Maybe she had read all those cowardly innermost thoughts of his.
“It will definitely be different if her marriage is to be broken. It may be awkward to hear, but I don’t think any woman would refuse that ceremony.”
Nathan smirked. She doesn’t care about me at all. Even friendship was so uncomfortable to her that she didn’t give him her permission to do so.
“She might also be looking into it. You know, some women think that bouncing is only natural.”
He swallowed another empty laugh that was about to come out. I wish I could have such an illusion. If you could only show me your confused eyes… it would be great even once. When will it be?
Nathan hated himself more and more every time he thought of her. The Malvin’s pride, which had continued for hundreds of years, disappeared without any shape and only left a stupid and good-for-nothing man behind. It was a terrible sense of inferiority – the first time he had felt this way ever since he was born.
“Can I tell you what I think?”
Watching him silently, Benjamin took a step closer.
“Be honest with yourself, just the way you are feeling. Honesty sometimes is your greatest weapon – especially when it comes to feelings between men and women.”
Be honest…. Nathan repeated to himself. All these suffocating things that taste bitter and painful; a state in which one doesn’t want to eat or think of anything because of an agitated mind. Confess how I feel? These desolate things that feel as if I was rolling naked on a rough wall of rock? These petty things that when I think of you, the smaller I think of myself and the more I hate myself?
The dark clouds covering the sky sunk even lower on the earth. A gust of wind blew through the wasteland beneath the northern wall as far as the two of them stood. Unlike Benjamin, who hurriedly turned around toward a gust of straw grass and sand, Nathan did not avoid it. Yes, I’d rather purge it all – dig deep into my heart and uproot it.
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