Pride and Sanctimony - Chapter 50

Chapter 50

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Some things don’t give you a warning. They just happen out of the blue like a bolt of lighting. Or rather, in this particular case, it was something she never really knew she needed to expect.

Valentia stood in front of the building. She could not commit to either going inside or leaving, so she ended up just standing there. Though she knew she needed to go in, she couldn’t do that so easily, but she also couldn’t just leave.

Someone threw her an awkward look as they left the building, but considering how strange she looked just standing around, that was understandable.

But this wasn’t something she could avoid forever. She needed to know for certain so she could think about what came next. She purposefully covered her face and went to a place far from both the Academy and the Baron’s mansion.

Steeling her heart, Valentia went inside.

With a scarf pulled up over her face, Valentia sat in front of the doctor. The doctor glanced up at her, then looked back down on his chart as he wondered if it was common for patients to enter his office intent on covering themselves.

[Doctor] “Have you been experiencing any discomfort as of late?”

He asked without a smile or sincerity. He had many patients, and a lot of them were ones who could not afford to pay, and so he couldn’t spare the energy or the time on being kind.

[Valentia] “I haven’t been able to eat properly these days. And just smelling certain foods is enough to make me dizzy and nauseous.”

Sitting with the doctor, Valentia carefully spoke what she could of her symptoms. The doctor nodded, taking down the occasional note and asking a few questions. Before long, he was able to diagnose her and tell her exactly what disease had befallen her.

Or rather, it wasn’t a disease.

It was a word that meant despair.

[Doctor] “Congratulations. You’re pregnant.”

She wanted so desperately for him to say no, but he said the dreaded truth easily. The thought lingered in the back of her mind, but she came here hoping to confirm her fears to be false. But reality had a way of turning its cruel head.

He spoke robotically, giving his mechanical congratulations to Valentia, but they were no different from a curse. Now that she was hearing such a definite answer, she started seeing double, and Valentia clenched her fist to steady herself.

Pregnant.

Never once in her entire life did she ever imagine getting this news.

[Valentia] “It could just be an irregular menstrual cycle……”

[Doctor] “No, I’m certain. Not much time has passed, but it’s easy enough to determine at this stage.”

[Valentia] “Am I really pregnant?”

[Doctor] “Yes. You’re about six weeks along.”

Like he’d had this conversation a million times, the doctor calculated the approximate date of conception. And seeing the date, it was just when the incident during the outdoor circuit occurred. 

Valentia had to force back a gasp, instead swallowing harshly.

[Valentia] “Thank you.”

Valentia nodded, quickly saying her thanks, but just when she tried to stand up—

[Doctor] “If you want to get rid of it, it would be best to decide as soon as possible.”

She stiffened, looking back up to see the doctor’s face. He was still looking down at the chart with a rather languid expression.

[Valentia] “Excuse me?”

[Doctor] “Up until three months, there’s medication that will take care of it for you. It’s a very clean procedure.”

It wasn’t hard to understand what the doctor was talking about.

When it came to pregnant women who were not immediately overjoyed to hear the news, their situation was obvious, even without listening to the details. So for this unkind doctor, this was the best sort of kindness he could show—a quick and easy solution.

She pretended to be calm, but her hands wouldn’t stop shaking.

Any problem, no matter how difficult, had a solution. Eventually, she would find that solution and the problem would be conquered and overcome. 

But she could not for the life of her figure out how to solve this one. No one had ever taught her what she should do and she’d never read a book on this before, either.

Valentia walked out of the clinic in a daze, her hand going to press her palm against her belly.

There was a baby here. Lexus’ child was in her stomach.

She didn’t think a single night would end up like this. She vaguely considered the possibility after the fact, but how was she supposed to know that it would become a reality? And now, she really didn’t know what she should do next.

The first sign that something was wrong was food.

The moment she entered the Academy’s dining hall, she immediately felt off. Then, it got worse, like a slowly encroaching sense of sickness—a stomach ache coming on gradually. She felt very dizzy from the second she went to get her food until the moment she sat down.

At the time, she thought she felt a little ill since she hadn’t eaten anything yet.

Tap—

But once she actually tried to eat, Valentia’s hand flew to cover her mouth. The smell was so disgusting to her that she could not bear to even smell it, much less eat it.

Valentia stood up from her seat and ran off towards the bathroom as the sense of illness started to swell. She tried to throw up again and again, but nothing ever came up, which was to be expected since she never ate anything to begin with.

But she was sweating so much and it felt like the strength was being sapped from her body. Feeling herself get faint, Valentia closed her eyes, leaning herself against the bathroom wall.

It took her some time, but eventually she managed to calm her stomach and return to the dining hall, but the second she saw food, she felt sick all over again. In the end, she had no choice but to give up on eating entirely, tossing out her completely untouched meal that she couldn’t stomach even a bite of.

[Staff] ’You left all your food.’

One of the faculty members that was cleaning up noticed Valentia’s untouched plate. It was a little surprising to see, since Valentia was more the ‘waste not, want not’ type.

But Valentia couldn’t even force herself to eat anything. Her chest burned and she still felt so sick. All she wanted was to just get out of there quickly.

[Valentia] ’I’m sorry. I think I’m just not feeling very well.’

[Staff] ’No, it happens to the best of us. But are you sure it’s not worse? Perhaps you should see the Academy doctor as soon as you can. Honestly, you’re looking a little pale.’

[Valentia] ’Yes. Thank you for worrying about me.’

[Staff] ’I’ll clean this up. Best you be on your way now.’

She felt gratitude towards the faculty who gracefully accepted her untouched plate. It was probably because she looked too terrible to be asking any questions. Normally they would have insisted she eat at least a little, but they couldn’t do that right now.

Valentia left the dining hall as quickly as she could.

She thought about going to the Academy’s health department as soon as she left, but once she finally got out of the dining hall, she felt a little bit better. 

She felt so dizzy and ill that it seemed like the sky was spinning and she couldn’t pull herself together easily. But that had completely disappeared, and so her mind to go to the doctor disappeared with it.

At the time, she didn’t take her sudden bout of nausea as anything serious.

But then her symptoms continued. She would smell food that would trigger her nausea and she’d feel sick for days. And as that cycle continued, Valentia finally decided she would visit a doctor to get to the bottom of this irregularity.

But that was when she realized a different but significantly important fact.

I’m late.

She didn’t menstruate.

Much like so many other things about her, Valentia’s cycle was very precise, and she thought she might have a good guess as to why it suddenly wasn’t. She knew what condition was similar to her current symptoms. After all, sexual education was a part of the Academy’s common curriculum.

But…it could just be her imagination? Maybe it was just a little bit of indigestion. And feeling drowsy all the time was normal considering how sick she was.

She kept denying it, over and over again, keeping that vain little hope inside of her heart, but that hope was so quickly dashed across the stones by a single word from that doctor.

Honestly, there were other signs, too. One of her symptoms was that she was sleeping significantly more. During her regular study period, she found herself taking impromptu naps in the middle of it. 

She thought it was because she was starting to slack off more these days, but pregnancy?

Just to make sure, she went to another doctor, but even so, the results didn’t change.

It would already be a massive scandal if an unmarried commoner woman suddenly had a child, but this was worse for Valentia, considering she was technically a noblewoman. Moreover, the man involved was a member of the Imperial family’s direct lineage.

I need to do something.

But there was no room for thought here. Valentia already knew the answer.

I have to get rid of it.

This wouldn’t be good for his future or hers. Valentia’s rational thought told her that it would be for the best if she took care of this quickly and quietly. Even the doctor had recommended such a solution to her, albeit indifferently.

Within the Empire, this kind of situation posed a greater threat to the women involved rather than the men. The best thing to do would be to keep the circle small, and only have herself and the doctor in the know. 

However, somehow, something was bothering her.

Maybe I should tell Lexus.

But would it be good to say it directly? No matter how she thought about it, she couldn’t see this ending well.

A member of the direct Imperial lineage and the daughter of a Baron.

It was already an unreasonable difference in status, even for just a short dalliance. Their brief little love affair was one that was only established because he was a man who was not picky about the women he saw. That along with the Academy’s unique views on equality.

Valentia was never the little girl who dreamt of marrying a Prince. She held no hopes or expectations for this relationship from the beginning.

She knew there was no future. Even this pregnancy was just the result of an impulse. An accident.

It didn’t happen because they loved each other or because they wished to share in their affection for one another. Such sweet words couldn’t be used to mask the reality of it all, and so naturally, the ending couldn’t be sweet like a fairy tale, either.

And she was scared of what might happen. If she wanted to think about her future, then it would be right not to say anything.

Already, they were in the midst of exam season. She told Lexus to stay away in the meantime while she studied……but if she wanted to say something, then this couldn’t be put off any longer.

In the end, her foolish love paralyzed her reason and clouded her better judgment. 

She was actually looking forward to talking about it. She agonized constantly between the shouts of her reason and the whispers of her feelings. Her reason told her to take care of it quietly, but her emotions filled her with expectation.

He might not be happy to know that a single night’s mistake resulted in this, but she wanted to have hope. She wanted to believe that the kindness and heart that he showed her was real.

After what happened in that old cabin, Valentia realized that he probably thought everything would work out as it always did for him, and that a circumstance like this was likely one that did not occur to him beforehand.

It was already obvious that Lexus did not think of that night with as much severity as she did.

And so if she were to tell him, too many different responses were scattered and disorganized inside her head.

But even as her rationality desperately tried to give her all the reasons as to why she shouldn’t tell him, Valentia didn’t even realize how her arm was already affectionately wrapped around her stomach that lacked a bump.

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