The Girls Who Traumatized Me Keep Glancing at Me, but Alas, It’s Too Late (WN) - Chapter 12

Posted on April 25, 2021by Soafp

The limited-time edition cake was very tasty. Only the limited edition though. I had accomplished my main goal, but I still had to go to school in the afternoon. No one would think that I would be skipping school and playing around here, hmmm.

There are many places to go in the coastal area. I could go shopping at the mall, ride the Ferris wheel, or go to the TV station for no particular reason. A trip by myself seems to be a fun way to get away from it all. It is also relaxing to see the International Exhibition Hall without people, which is a change from the festivals during the Obon and New Year holidays. The spring sunshine was dazzling, the scent of the sea somehow lifted up my spirits.

I gazed at the sea in a daze, waterfowls were frolicking in a friendly manner. As I was watching them I started getting lost in my thoughts, they say that the return rate for lost items such as wallets in Japan is about 60%, but will I ever be able to get my lost items back?

At some point in my life, I lost the capability to “love”. I don’t know now when that happened. Was it then, or was it now? I looked back into my memories, but I can’t find the answer. I’m not sure if I’ve lost my way or not. Where is the “love” I’ve lost? Will there come a day when I can get it back?

After dropping my “love”, I stopped caring about anything anymore. I stopped caring how people see me or what they think of me. If there is no hate, nor ill will I won’t care what they do or think about me. I don’t care if someone doesn’t like me. I don’t care what kind of feelings others have for me, and I don’t direct those feelings toward others.

But that’s not right… It can’t be…. There was a time when I did have “fondness” for someone. And now that I’ve dropped the “fondness,” I’m not qualified to face anyone anymore. No matter what kind of feelings the other person gives me, I can’t give them back the same amount of feelings.

No matter how much “love” they give me, I can never return them. I can’t return it, the feelings of “love” that are supposed to lie beyond those feelings, or the “love” that they create. I can’t return anything. I know it’s a terrible thing to do.

　So, I shouldn’t get involved with anyone. At least, until I get back what I lost, I have to stay in the shadows.

“That’s what I think.……” (Yuki)

I don’t know why this is happening at all. Contrary to my intentions, strangely enough, there are many people who want to be involved with me. To be honest, it’s annoying. With the current me, I’ll only end up hurting someone.

Suddenly, I looked at my phone. There were several messages on it. I had skipped school suddenly without saying anything. Maybe someone cared enough to contact me. Why not just ignore them? Why try to get involved? It’s not a good sign, it doesn’t do any good to worry about me. Maybe that’s why I’m here now.

“Huh.……” (Yuki)

My depressive mood returned. By that time, I had no desire to go to school in the afternoon.

“Sorry, is there a Kokonoe in this class? (Keido)

　It’s lunchtime, and suddenly a visitor appears in class 1-B.

“President and…… Vice president?” (???)

It was the two council presidents, Mutsuki Keido and Yumi Mikumo. Keido, the student president, has had many moments to deliver a speech in front of everyone. She has a familiar face, even to first year students. I wondered what the president wanted with the freshmen. She is not the kind of person who would show her face to the first year class for no reason. Sakurai was the one who responded to the questioning.

“It seems that Kokonoe is absent today, do you have any business with him?” (Classmate)

“If it’s Kokonoe, he is skipping class.” (Mineta)

Mineta’s comments also came in.

“What? He is not here? No, that’s strange. He was supposed to be on his way to school this morning.” (Keido)

“This is bad, Mutsuki-chan. This is…” (Mikumo)

Fujishiro-sensei said she hadn’t heard anything from him.

“What should I do? Maybe he just left. ……” (Keido)

“Senpai, what’s going on?” (Hinagi)

“I want to know, too. I’ve been trying to contact him, but he hasn’t responded at all.” (Miho)

Suzurikawa and Kouki also joined in the conversation.

“I’m sorry, it’s not something I want to talk about in public. Yumi, let’s go to the staff room.” (Keido)

“Yes, we have to hurry!” (Mikumo)

　The class went silent as the two upperclassmen rushed out with impatient expressions. The atmosphere in the classroom was dominated by the feeling that something must have happened.

“I’m coming with you.” (Miho)

Kouki muttered to no one in particular. Some of the students ran after him, following the backs of the senpais.

Fujishiro-sensei! Sorry to interrupt your break. Do you know anything about Kokonoe? (Keido)

　The door of the staff room was opened with great force and Fujiro, who was sitting in her seat eating a piece of bread, choked on it.

—cough, cough. What’s the matter, Keido? What is it with kokonoe? (Fujishiro-sensei)

“It’s our fault!” (Mikumo and Keido)

“Wait, wait, wait. Don’t choke! Calm down. What’s going on?” (Fujishiro-sensei)

“Have you heard anything from Kokonoe? Is he taking a day off?” (Keido)

“Hah, he really is a problem child. He is absent without notice.” (Fujishiro-sensei)

“No, no, no. He was there in the morning.” (Keido)

“Tell me step by step! What happened?”(Fujishiro-sensei)

The two of them told Sayuri Fujishiro about what happened this morning. Fujishiro’s expression became increasingly bitter. The rest of the teachers were listening in on what was going on, but by that time Kouki and the others had arrived. However, Keido and the others didn’t even notice.

“Is that why he is not here today? Still, you’re lucky it was only a mistake. If it had developed into something more serious, we would’ve had to get him expelled.” (Fujishiro-sensei)

“It’s all my fault. He didn’t do anything wrong!” (Mikumo)

“Even more so then. If he was proven to be innocent, you guys would have been in trouble.” (Fujishiro-sensei)

“Sensei, what should I do? Do you have any idea where he is?” (Mikumo)

“If that’s the case, I’ll cancel the absence without notice, but I haven’t heard from him either. Maybe Yuri Kokonoe has heard something–” (fujikawa sensei)

“Kokonoe–, so he is Yuri Kokonoe’s brother!” (Keido)

“Mutsuki, let’s go!” (Mikumo)

“Wait, wait, wait. Don’t be impatient, I’ll call Yuri-san to come here.” (Fujishiro-sensei

　The unexpected situation that suddenly arose further deepened the confusion.

This is not good, this is not good, THIS IS NOT GOOD!

When was the last time I had felt such a sense of panic? No, it might be the first time in my life. A vague sense of anxiety swirled in my chest. At lunchtime, I went to his class to make a formal apology. I remembered his face in my memory to look in the list and found out that his class was 1-B. His name was Yukito Kokonoe.

I couldn’t get his last words out of my ears. My heart clutched at the fear that I had done something terrible. I can feel my body trembling, wondering if I’ve distorted and twisted his sense of justice, if I did then I did something irreparable.

Although I was the president of the student council, I should not have harmed the students without protecting them. I’ve always believed in justice, I’ve always tried to be fair and just. At some point, people began to gather around me, and they began to appreciate me, and now I was being nominated for the position of student council president. However, I’ve only carried out the way of life and justice that I believe in. As a result, I am standing here now.

But for the first time, I felt my justice being shaken. I am amazed at how vulnerable my position is. Fear that my justice may have destroyed someone else’s justice.

　He has done nothing wrong. His actions are justice itself. I don’t think I acted wrongly either. If the same thing had happened to me, I would have done the same thing without hesitation. Still, it is my fault and sin that I was not thoughtful enough, that I did not listen, that I was narrow-minded, and that I unilaterally hurt him.

　I have to pay for that. Otherwise, I will never be able to act according to my own justice again. My justice must not distort anyone else’s justice.

He didn’t come to school today. It’s my fault, of course. It’s because I hurt him. What’s he doing now? Is he in pain? Is he in despair? Does he have a hatred toward me as a person? I’m afraid… I’m afraid to see him. Still, I asked him to—-

No one will help me. No one will look at me. There is no prince in this world who will rescue me, reality told me so.

　Until Mutsuki arrived, I was being groped by an unknown person. The hands that had been touching my buttocks at first gradually became more and more extreme. The hand that had been on my skirt was now inside my skirt, and the hand that had been on my underwear was now inside my underwear, as if he was enjoying the sight of me trembling. It was an unpleasant feeling of direct skin contact.

(I hate…… dirty…… scary man…… someone please help me!)

　If I had been able to raise my voice like that, I would not have been in this situation. They always ridicule me for being a coward. Before I knew it, I had developed a mild distrust of men, and I couldn’t speak well with the opposite sex.

　Even so, I had no choice but to escape from reality, hoping that somewhere, like in a shoujo manga, a prince would come to my rescue. Mutsuki caught the person who had been molesting me. It was a student from the same school. It was weird that such a person was in the same high school. I was filled with fear. What should I do? I might be too scared to go to school.

But he wasn’t the culprit. It was easy to remember if I kept my cool. It was just as I was told, there was no one in school clothes around me. The hand that was touching me was big and burly. It was an adult’s hand. It couldn’t have been him. I knew that better than anyone. I should have told Mutsuki right away. That it wasn’t him, that it was someone else who was touching me.

He was trying to help me. How could I have done that? He was in this world too. A prince who wanted to save me!

　Looking back, my feelings toward him had changed drastically. I didn’t feel disgust or fear. In fact, it was the opposite. I wanted to talk to him more, to know him better. Such feelings. I don’t really know what it is yet. But that’s why I felt regret for the stupidity of my actions towards him.

　I need to apologize!

When I headed to class with Mutsuki, he hadn’t come to school. He was on the train wearing his uniform, the only reason he hadn’t come was because of us. My bad feeling was getting worse and worse, he said he would not help us anymore. I don’t want to think that he meant it. But that look in his eyes—-

“What have you done to him!” (Yuri)

“Yuri-san, calm down! Can’t you get in contact with Yukito-kun?” (Sensei)

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner!” (Yuri)

“Don’t you guys go to school together?” (Sensei)

“He went to his aunt’s house yesterday and slept there. Oh, God!” (Yuri)

I was furious. I was furious at the stupid upperclassmen. What kind of student council president is this? I can’t believe this person is the student council president! It’s happening again. Someone is going to hurt him again, just like I did. As if I’m repeating myself again. I hurriedly made a phone call. If it’s from me, he is going to answer it. After a few rings, the call was easily connected without my worry.

“Yukito, where are you? (Yuri)

“The ocean?” (Yuki)

“Wait a minute… the ocean? (Yuri)

The surrounding area starts to panic. That’s natural, it’s not a place to skip school. Because of the circumstances, it creates an unpleasant imagination.

“I’m sure you’re not thinking of throwing yourself into the ocean, are you?” (Yuri)

I could clearly feel the tension in the staff room. It wasn’t just the homeroom teacher, Fujishiro. The other teachers were also watching the situation with bated breaths.

“Hahahahahaha, you’re funny.” (Yuki)

“This is not a laughing matter!” (Yuri)

“I can’t find what I have lost, so I’d better get going. I have a souvenir for you.” (Yuki)

“What souvenir? How far are you really?” (Yuri)

“I’m a problem child, so this is nothing. (Yuki)

“What do you mean, “problem child”? You haven’t done anything wrong.” (Yuri)

“Problem child!? I’m not sure if I hurt him too…….” (Fujishiro-sensei)

I don’t have time to worry about it right now when Sayuri Fujishiro, his homeroom teacher is mumbling about something.

“After all, the International Exhibition Hall is only open during the Bon and New Year holidays.” (Yuki)

“What are you talking about? Anyway, I heard what happened. Are you sure you’ll be okay……? Are you sure you’re coming back……?” (Yuri)

“Just wait for me in high school. I’ll try not to bother you anymore.” (Yuki)

“High school? Wait… What do you mean?　Could it be that you…” (Yuri)

“It’s too early to leave now.” (Yuki)

“What? I knew it! That’s not what I meant.” (Yuri)

“Okay, I’m hanging up now.” (Yuki)

The phone was hung up, I was in a daze. I don’t believe that even now.

“Oh, hey, Yuri-san. You seem to be in a panic, are you alright?”(???)

“He is leaving now.” (Yuri)

“Ah, I see.”(???)

“He said he is going home. I think he will come to school tomorrow as usual. Why don’t we wait until tomorrow to hear what he has to say? There’s nothing more I can do for you today.” (Yuri)

“Yuri, I’m really sorry!” (Keido)

“I’m sorry!” (Mikumo)

“I will never forgive either of you.” (Yuri)

I left the staff room without a second glance. There are also the faces of Yukito’s classmates, I couldn’t hear what they were saying anymore. The last words my brother had said ruminated in my brain. Just as I thought. Looking at his attitude, I had a hunch that such a day would come.

I still remember those words. The feeling that lingers in my heart. The exhausted tone in his voice, and the words that leaked out. The words that I let out a little bit during the conversation we just had. It’s extremely rare for him to reveal even the slightest bit of his true feelings. That’s how much he must have felt about today’s events. he had asked me to wait for him during high school. If that was the case, the time limit was only three years until graduation. After that, it would probably be too late.

I have to do it, I have to…

The familiar face, Hinagi Suzurikawa. My brother was getting better by interacting with her, I was relieved. I thought I could trust her. But then I noticed that my brother had returned to normal…. No, he has gotten worse. And his childhood friend, who should have always been next to him, was gone.

He was playing basketball to forget about her, and now a woman named Shiori Kamishiro was cuddling up to my brother. They were slowly getting to know each other. I had hoped that maybe she would be the one, but she had also hurt my brother as much as she could and was gone.

　I didn’t expect the student council president to join my brother’s traumatic race, but I wondered why all these women, including me, gathered around him. What my brother needs is not someone to hurt him.

I can’t trust anyone anymore… I don’t trust anyone anymore. It has to be me!

I made up my mind and started walking towards the classroom.

Ed- Hello editor here if there is any mistakes or errors please comment down below and also I hope y’all enjoyed chapter 12 of the series ?