The Greatest Secret Agent of All Time - Chapter 20
Chapter 20: Watch Me as I Work My Magic!
Translator: Nyoi-Bo Studio
Editor: Nyoi-Bo Studio
Since the scumbag Jing Wubian was announcing every day that he was going to get rid of Jing Zhongyue and take the position of the castellan, he naturally needed to expand his force. His recruitment offer was still standing.
He was a douchebag, of course, so he wasn’t able to recruit truly gifted men. Those who followed Jing Wubian were scumbags who were just taking advantage of his power and using him to get free food.
What kind of people did Jing Wubian like the most? The people who had weird and special skills. If you could break rocks with your chest, or put your hand into a pot with boiling oil without getting hurt, you could live off of Jing Wubian.
The people who gained the most from man, though, were complete charlatans. He had high regard for those who could give flamboyant and pleasant sounding speeches, and claimed that they knew everything in the past and could predict the future.
Therefore, at that moment, Jing Wubian was surrounded by a bunch of quacks that pretended to practice divination and witchcraft every day.
However, that scumbag was indeed very volatile, so he would treat someone as a guest of honor one day and feed them to the hounds the next.
Perhaps he was born with some defects in his brain. He was rather psycho.
Naturally, Yun Zhonghe wouldn’t go to the man’s front door to seek refuge. That would be too obvious. Liu Bei needed to visit Zhuge Liang’s thatched cottage thrice in succession to recruit him.
He needed to come to light as an eccentric being in the shortest time possible. He would become famous and make people think that he had divine powers. Then, Jing Wubian would invite him to the residence of the castellan with eight palanquins.
“Shopkeeper Xu, I need your support for the first step of my plan,” Yun Zhonghe said.
“Normally, if we want to make changes to our plans, we need to report it to our superior and get his approval,” Xu Anting said. “However, due to the current special circumstances, we will skip that step to expedite the process.”
For some time to come, don’t get in touch with me while I’m carrying out my plans,” Yun Zhonghe said. “Remember, do not contact me under any circumstances. I have to be all alone in the world, and I can’t be connected to anyone, not even your Anting Tavern that sells chicken.”
Xu Anting thought for a moment and nodded.
“Keep in mind, even if I’m about to starve or freeze to death, do not show up or help me. Not even if I’m about to be beaten to death,” Yun Zhonghe said.
“Well, your request is very weird, but you have my word,” Xu Anting promised.
***
On the very next day, Yun Zhonghe officially activated the first step of his plan. He was now waiting for the willing victim to fall into his snare!
A fortune teller booth appeared in the most far-off corner on a narrow street in the City of Torn Gust.
The booth was very simple; there was only a straw mat and a banner made of a piece of white cloth. Written on the banner was: “World’s Best Fortune-Teller, One Prophecy per Day, Ten Silver Sycees for a Prophecy. If it isn’t accurate, you get a refund and another ten silver sycees.”
Yun Zhonghe dressed up as a fortune teller, settled himself in repose on the straw mat with his legs crossed, and closed his eyes.
He didn’t choose a crowded spot, but a far-off corner. More than half a day passed, and only a few people walked by his booth.
Besides, his appearance was not attractive. The other fortune-tellers had an elegant bearing, and he was the only one who was unkempt. Nothing about him implied that he was a man who had divine powers. His hair and beard were messy, his sackcloth clothes were in shreds and patches, and his handsome face was totally covered. He looked like a beggar.
Only five people in total walked past his booth in two whole hours.
“This beggar must be crazy. A prophecy costs ten silver sycees? He will starve to death sooner or later.”
“A fortune-teller who sets up his booth in such an extremely isolated place instead of on a busy street must be out of his mind.”
“I bet the beggar will starve to death here within ten days.”
A whole day passed, Yun Zhonghe’s fortune teller booth had no customers at all.
Xu Anting secretly went out and checked on him once, then he left quietly.
Yun Zhonghe had already said that for a very long time to come, he could get in touch with Xu Anting, but not the other way around.
Yun Zhonghe was very resolute. Even if he looked like he was about to starve to death on the street, they should not step in.
***
The first day had passed.
Only about ten people passed by Yun Zhonghe’s fortune teller booth, and all of them predicted that he would starve to death within ten days.
When the day was getting dark, a man showed up at Yun Zhonghe’s booth and gave Yun Zhonghe a bun.
What was the most important value that a man should hold on to? Integrity. One shouldn’t eat food handed out in contempt.
Yun Zhonghe immediately took it and gobbled it up, every last bit of it. He wasn’t acting; he was really hungry.
The fortune-telling business today had been bad. He hadn’t even earned a copper coin, so of course he was starving.
“Brother, you can’t do it this way,” said the beggar who had given him the bun. “Fortune-telling only works in a place where there are many people. Moreover, one prophecy shouldn’t cost more than ten copper coins, but you set the price at ten silver sycees for one prophecy. Are you out of your mind?”
Once Yun Zhonghe finished eating the bun the beggar had given him, he closed his eyes and went back to resting. He didn’t react to what the beggar had said, behaving like he was a high and mighty divine being.
The beggar continued, “Do you not know how to carry on your fortune-telling business? You should tell your client’s fortune for free, and mention that something bad will happen to him in a few days. Then, he will ask you how to prevent it, that is when you can charge him money.”
Yun Zhonghe cast a glance at the beggar. This world was filled with clever people. In his time, game companies had used the same ruse; you could play the game for free, but in order to win, you had to buy items for the game. This beggar was pouring out the progressive business philosophy of modern times.
“If you know the trick, why would you beg for a living instead of becoming a fortune-teller?” Yun Zhonghe asked.
“Fuck that,” said the beggar. “There are hundreds of fortune-tellers under Phoenix Bridge, and the competition is too intense. Besides, being a fortune-teller, you have to put on airs, and that’s way too tiring. Being a beggar is better.”
Yun Zhonghe glanced at the beggar, his face still smeared with the oil from the bun he had eatenl.
The beggar went on, “Something big is about to happen. The Southern Zhou Empire and the Great Ying Empire are fighting for the Land of No King. The turbulent situation gives us beggars a great opportunity to broaden our career horizons.”
Yun Zhonghe was surprised. He hadn’t seen that coming. Who would have thought that this beggar would be so ambitious? He couldn’t help but ask, “How are you going to broaden your horizons?”
The beggar said, “The more chaotic the world becomes, the more weddings and funerals there are. When there are weddings, we will go and celebrate with them; when there are funerals, we will be their professional mourners. I promise you, we will have good food and booze every day. Brother, throw away your fortune-teller booth. There’s no future in fortune-telling. Come and beg with me, wouldn’t that be nicer?”
Huh?! That was the career horizon the man was talking about?
“No,” Yun Zhonghe said loftily. “A sparrow would never understand a swan’s ambition!”
The beggar sneered. “If you starve to death one day, don’t blame me for not giving you the opportunity.”
That day, Yun Zhonghe slept on the straw mat at his booth and spent the night on the street. Luckily, the weather wasn’t cold.
***
The next day, Yun Zhonghe’s fortune-teller booth still had no customers. Again, there were less than ten passersby all day long.
Cold, lonely, and desolate.
Another day without food.
In the evening, the beggar showed up again and gave Yun Zhonghe a large piece of flatbread.
“Brother, there is really no future in fortune-telling. Come and beg with me,” the beggar invited him again.
Once more, Yun Zhonghe was cold and arrogant. He closed his eyes and ignored the man.
The beggar sneered. “Then you will starve to death here. I got half a silver sycee today, so I’m going to get myself a woman.”
Then, he took a small piece of silver out of his clothes, repeatedly throwing it into the air and catching it with his hand as he walked toward a brothel.
Yun Zhonghe spent the night on the street again.
Sh*t, the weather was getting colder. He was a little chilled as he slept on the straw mat.
The first step of Yun Zhonghe’s plan wasn’t going smoothly, and it seemed likely to fail.
On top of that, Xu Anting really did follow Yun Zhonghe’s instructions. He didn’t come and check on Yun Zhonghe, nor did he bring food for him.
“F*ck, is he going starve to death?” Xu Anting wondered.
***
On the third day, Yun Zhonghe’s fortune-telling booth still had no customers. Hunger was making his head swim.
Moreover, the beggar didn’t show up that day, so no one brought him food.
It was getting harder and harder to maintain his image as an erudite man from another world. The willing victim would fall into his snare, but his snare wasn’t good enough.
Yun Zhonghe could read minds. He only needed one customer to show off his amazing skills that would rock his customer’s world.
Then, the news would spread, and his reputation as an exceptional fortune-teller would become known across the whole City of Torn Gust.
Jing Wubian loved this sort of magical stuff, and when he met this gifted charlatan, he would definitely recruit him. Jing Wubian would take Yun Zhonghe home with a palanquin to help him seize the position of the castellan from his sister.
However, there were no customers, and one couldn’t make bricks without straw. Yun Zhonghe couldn’t just force a person to stop by so he could read their fortune. That would be too low, not at all suitable for his identity as a man who had divine powers,
The sun was setting, and another day was about to go by. The night was getting colder and colder, and it was getting harder and harder to endure.
“God, send me one customer. Please. Anyone would be fine.”
As if heaven had heard Yun Zhonghe’s plea, a customer showed up at his fortune-teller booth at sunset.
The man looked pugnacious and ferocious, cruel and domineering. He was followed by seven or eight men who were holding knives. At first sight, Yun Zhonghe knew that those people were local gangsters. The man at the front must be their leader.
The head of the gangsters looked at the banner and sneered. “A prophecy costs ten silver sycees? Have you lost your mind?”
Yun Zhonghe said calmly, “I have the third eye. Every prophecy is a revelation of God’s will. I can only make one prediction a day, so of course, it will be expensive.”
The thug said, “This street is under my protection. Did you pay the protection fee before setting up your booth here?”
Yun Zhonghe said, “No, and I’m not going to pay.”
The thug asked, “Do you know what happens to those who don’t pay their protection fees?”
Yun Zhonghe said, “No.”
The thug smiled widely. “Their arms and legs are broken, and they are left at a landfill to die. I see that you are penniless, so you must not be able to pay the protection fee, but the rules can’t be broken. Guys, tear his booth apart and break both his legs.”
Instantly, a few thugs rushed forward and were about to destroy Yun Zhonghe’s booth and start breaking limbs.
“Good sir, how much is the protection fee?” Yun Zhonghe said.
“Ten silver sycees per month,” the thug replied.
What an exorbitant amount! Those who owned small businesses earned less than ten silver sycees a month.
Yun Zhonghe said, “How about this? If I tell you your fortune, which normally costs ten silver sycees, can you take that as the protection fee?”
“Hahahaha!” The thug burst into laughter and said, “I have seen at least 800, if not 8000 charlatans like you, and I have broken dozens of those people’s legs with my own hands. There are no tricks that I don’t know. You can deceive others, but if you think you can fool me, you must be blind.”
Yun Zhonghe was very happy. His first business was finally here.
Besides, the thug in front of him was the best customer he could have, because this piece of sh*t could help make Yun Zhonghe famous. Moreover, all the gangs in the City of Torn Gust were practically Jing Wubian’s stooges.
Now, it was time for the world’s most accurate fortune-teller to work his magic. He promised himself that these thugs would admire him so much that they would grovel at his feet and worship him. Then, they would help make him famous.
Yun Zhonghe touched his beard and said, “If my fortune-telling turns out to be true, you just need to bow down before me and say out loud, ‘Sir, I was wrong!’ But if my fortune-telling isn’t accurate, or even if it diverts from the truth only slightly, you can not only break both my legs, but both my hands as well. What do you think?”
The thug squinted at Yun Zhonghe and said, “Interesting. I want to see what kind of tricks a charlatan like you has up his sleeves. Brothers, hold him down on the ground and be ready to break his legs and arms at any time.”
A few other thugs came forward immediately, pinning Yun Zhonghe to the ground and spreading his limbs. As soon as their leader ordered, Yun Zhonghe’s limbs would be broken with an iron bar.
