The Greatest Secret Agent of All Time - Chapter 22

Chapter 22: It Is My Time of the Month!

Translator: Nyoi-Bo Studio

Editor: Nyoi-Bo Studio

With his extremely acute eyesight, Yun Zhonghe noticed that, when the other thugs addressed him as an ancient immortal, their leader’s eyes wavered briefly, followed by a flash of fear.

What did this mean?

The thug had been wholly convinced and brought into submission, so he did not bear any hostility toward Yun Zhonghe. But when he heard the words ‘ancient immortal’, a fearful look appeared on his face, making it very obvious that the term was already taboo in the City of Torn Gust.

Why was it a taboo? There was only one explanation. There was already someone in the City of Torn Gust who was known as an immortal, and this person had the intention of monopolizing the word. This person even had a sizable amount of power, which was why the leader of the thugs would show a kind of fear akin to a human’s natural fear of snakes.

“Sir, this is my fee for divination.” The leader of the thugs handed over two silver ingots, which added up to around twenty sycees. It was definitely a generous payment.

Even with how prosperous the City of Torn Gust was, twenty sycees was enough for a family of four for four months.

Yun Zhonghe closed his eyes and said nonchalantly, “I’ve already told you, reading your fortune was going to be my payment for your protection fee, so you don’t have to pay me anything.”

“How can I do that? How can I?” The thug bowed respectfully and said, “Sir, I hope you don’t find this too little. This is all the silver that I’ve brought with me today. Everything is here.”

Yun Zhonghe said, “If I say that I don’t want it, then I don’t want it. What’s there to argue about?”

The thug looked at Yun Zhonghe earnestly for a while and realized that he was not just being polite or standing on ceremony. Instantly, he was filled with admiration and said, “Sir, you are truly a divine being. Since you are not accepting my money, I will ultimately repay you in some way or another. So long as it is something within my means, I will oblige without hesitation.”

Yun Zhonghe said, “If you really want to put your heart into this, then go buy me some wine and food.”

The thug said, “Just this simple task?”

“Quickly, go get it. I’m famished!” Yun Zhonghe said impatiently.

After a while, a sumptuous spread of wine and food was placed before Yun Zhonghe. There were soft, comfortable carpets and blankets along with it.

Yun Zhonghe hurriedly gorged himself. After eating only steamed buns for two days, he was already starving.

“Sir, you have such an amazing ability. I will definitely make a name for you and see to it that your business prospers.” The thug fawned over Yun Zhonghe.

Yun Zhonghe retorted, “Are you kidding me? Do you take me as someone who sells cabbage? I only do one divination reading a day.”

The thug was embarrassed and said in an even more flattering manner, “Sir, you are truly a divine being. Uncouth people like us don’t know anything at all about the realm you are in.”

Then he bowed respectfully and said, “Sir, then I will take my leave. I will definitely come back again to visit and pay my respects to you.”

Then the leader of the thugs quickly left.

That was a little strange. By right, this Zhang Dahu should go on currying favor with Yun Zhonghe. Why did it seem a little like he was avoiding the latter the same way he would avoid snakes?

Of course, he still bore no hostility towards Yun Zhonghe. It was just that he did not dare get close to Yun Zhonghe at all. It was very obvious that after he went back and cleared his head, he would no longer dare to approach Yun Zhonghe because of a certain person.

Yun Zhonghe ate his fill and drank to his heart’s content, then he went straight to bed and fell asleep.

***

The next day, Yun Zhonghe still did not have any business. It was still very deserted and lonely for him.

With yesterday’s fantastic performance, Yun Zhonghe should have made a reputation for himself. And with those thugs and ruffians’ extreme fondness for exaggerating and boasting, they would definitely have praised Yu Zhonghe up to the skies. By right, his stall should have been very popular today.

Not to mention the celebrities of the City of Torn Gust who should have come to him in a flurry to get their fortunes read. Even the leaders of gangsters and thugs should have been coming to him.

There seemed to be something a little wrong with this situation, right?

What was Yun Zhonghe’s goal in setting up a fortune-telling stall? It was to get famous, and to attract the attention Jing Wubian, the degenerate son of a wealthy family, and become his foremost confidant. Being in that position would be the most convenient way to conquer Jing Zhongyue.

So, the first step of his plan, where he had to wait for the willing victim to fall into his snare, was crucial!

Yesterday, the leader of those thugs had said that he was going to make a name for Yun Zhonghe. At that time, Yun Zhonghe had turned him down, but that was totally not what he had really wanted. He was just putting on airs when he said that. That thug wouldn’t have taken him seriously, right?

And even if that thug had taken his words seriously, those minions of his should still have been unable to keep quiet about it. They would have gone about making a big fuss, giving him publicity.

Why was today still such a lonely and quiet day, without any business at all?

One day passed, two days passed, three days passed…

Yun Zhonghe still did not have any business. But the inexplicable thing was that, previously, there would usually be a dozen or so people passing by. But now, there were only around seven to eight people every day.

For the last two days, Yun Zhonghe had only been drinking water. He had not eaten a single grain of rice and was so hungry that he was having dizzy spells.

The leader of those thugs had said he would come back to visit Yun Zhonghe, but in the end, he did not turn up at all.

The beggar who had previously given Yun Zhonghe steamed buns also did not appear again, and no one knew where he had gone to have fun. Just half a sycee or two was enough for him to hire women in the City of Torn Gust for long enough to result in this disappearing act?

Xu Anting, on the other hand, wanted to send food to Yun Zhonghe, but he thought of the latter’s instructions to him. Even if he, Yun Zhonghe, were to die of hunger, Xu Anting should never, ever take the initiative to contact him.

That was to say, only Sister Xu Antiing could not bear the sight of him in this situation, and she sent him a meal once. That had been two days ago. At that time, Yun Zhonghe warned her against coming in a low voice, so for these last two days, she had not come by to deliver any meals to him.

So, Yun Zhonghe went hungry for another two days and three nights.

And now things were getting awkward for him. Could it be that I, Yun Zhonghe, will starve to death before I even accomplish my goal?

Will the first step of my plan still fall through before I can see it to fruition? he wondered.

Of course, at this point in time, Yun Zhonghe could still leave this remote and ghostly place and head downtown to the city center.

But if he did that, his level of sophistication would drop by degrees, wouldn’t it?

Clenching his teeth and stomping his foot, Yun Zhonghe laid down.

That way, his metabolism would slow down, and he would not feel so hungry.

The owner of this body was so accustomed to enduring hunger since childhood that he knew what to do to fight it. For example, it was best that he held his urine because if he went to the bathroom, it would take away his body heat.

In the middle of the night, while Yun Zhonghe was asleep, in the midst of a state of oblivion, he suddenly awoke with a start.

Someone was coming.

But he did not open his eyes right away and pretended to still be asleep.

“Hey, hey…” a voice said.

The visitor tapped Yun Zhonghe lightly on the shoulder.

Without opening his eyes, Yun Zhonghe said in an indifferent tone, “What is it?”

“I’m here to have my fortune read,” the person whispered.

Yun Zhonghe did not see the person behind him, but his mind was racing in a mad whirl, and he immediately guessed who the visitor was.

“You are the centurion of the city guards, Li Tian,” Yun Zhonghe said.

“Sir, you did not even see me, and yet, you actually knew it was me?” the person exclaimed in surprise.

Yun Zhonghe said, “You are afraid of offending the Blue Immortal of the City of Torn Gust. So, you do not dare to come to me during the day to get your fortune read. You only dare to come in the middle of the night.”

That person replied with some embarrassment, “I am also in quite a helpless position myself. There aren’t many people in the City of Torn Gust who could afford to offend the Blue Immortal. He’s the foremost confidant of Master Jing Wubian, who usually calls him godfather.”

Now the situation was evident. Even though Zhang Dahu, who was a leader of a gang of thugs, also thought that Yun Zhonghe was a divine psychic, he did not dare to publicize it. In doing that, he would have offended the Blue Immortal.

But this Centurion Li was his benefactor. Li Tian was also the one who had gotten him his post as captain of the patrol troop.

And Li Tian had met with some significant trouble. So, after much deliberation, Zhang Dahu decided to tell Centurion Li about Yun Zhonghe for two reasons. The first reason was to repay the kindness Li Tian had shown him; the second was for himself.

Because Centurion Li Tian was Zhang Dahu’s backer, if Centurion Li were to fall, then he would not be able to keep his position as captain of the patrol troop for long.

If Centurion Li Tian was willing to risk his life to come to Yun Zhonghe in the middle of the night, it was apparent that he had encountered quite a bit of trouble and was feeling very worried and scared.

Centurion Li said, “Sir, I heard you have a third eye and are peerlessly accurate in your divinations. If you are able to read my fortune accurately right now and help me resolve this massive trouble, I’ll give you a hundred sycees.”

Yun Zhonghe said, “I don’t want money. If I have given you an accurate reading and help you tide through your difficulties, you only need to do one thing for me.”

“What is it?” Centurion Li asked.

Yun Zhonghe pulled a small envelope out from his bosom and said, “This is a silk pouch that you must never open or look inside, or else there will be bloodshed. You must hand this over to Master Jing Wubian, who lives at the residence of the castellan. Remember, remember. You must personally hand this over to Master Jing Wubian, who lives at the residence of the castellan. This silk pouch is of utmost importance to him, so important that it concerns his life.”

Upon hearing this, Centurion Li was instantly shocked. This was a very tricky matter.

Why did Yun Zhonghe not continue to put up his mystifying act and wait for Jing Wubian to take the initiative to come visit him with due respect and sincerity instead?

Because he had figured it out. Who were the ones who had made three visits to the thatched hut? Liu Bei and Zhuge Liang.

Just me and Jing Wubian. Do we also deserve this kind of treatment? What was the point of playing around with such an old routine?

At best, Jing Wubian and I are villain versus douchebag; client versus wh*re.

Bah! Bah! Bah! I, Yun Zhonghe, am no wh*re.

In any case, it was better for everyone to be straightforward and frank with one another.

The most crucial thing was that Yun Zhonghe was really hungry and could not hold it any longer.

Centurion Li held the silk pouch in his hand, which felt like a burning hot piece of yam. He would willingly pay a hundred sycees rather than do something like this.

It was best to never go near that temperamental scum of society, Jing Wubian. Who could tell if he would draw a blade and hack him, Li Tian, to death after laying eyes on this silk pouch?

That was one psychopath that could not be reasoned with using common sense.

However, he should just give Yun Zhonghe his word first, since the most important thing was to get through his own difficulties.

If he could not overcome this difficulty, Li Tian would not see tomorrow. His head would roll, his wife would become someone else’s, and his children would go to someone else as well.

With his wife’s character, if Li Tian were to be sent to prison that day, his wife might be sleeping in someone’s bed already within the next three days.

Aye! Who could know his wife better than he himself?

Centurion Li said, “Right now, I’m facing a big problem. How should I put it? It’s really quite a long story…”

Yun Zhonghe said, “You don’t need to tell me. I know what kind of trouble you’re in. I’ve got the third eye, so I have the ability to predict the future without having to seek divination.”

Centurion Li was startled and instantly found himself somewhat in disbelief.

Zhang Dahu might have lauded Yun Zhonghe to the skies, but Centurion Li was someone who had traveled far and wide, and thus, he had a wide variety of experience and extensive knowledge. To him, this was merely a trick that was commonly used.

It was just that he had encountered a major problem and was in a desperate and urgent need for help, regardless of who he had to turn to. This was why he came looking to try his luck with Yun Zhonghe.

In fact, he did not hold much hope in his heart.

“Oh? Tell me about this, sir.” Centurion Li had come to a decision. If Yun Zhonghe was right, then he would continue.

But if Yun Zhonghe was wrong, it would prove that he was just a quack. In that case, Yun Zhonghe could not blame him for his change in attitude. Also, Li Tian would not show Yun Zhonghe any mercy. At the very least, he would slice off Yun Zhonghe’s tongue because he had taken such a huge risk in coming there to look for him.

If the Blue Immortal knew that Li Tian had not gone to him to get his fortune read, but instead had come to look for Yun Zhonghe, then the Blue Immortal would rip his skin off.

But the Blue Immortal was ruthless when it came to his charges. One divination would cost three thousand sycees.

Yun Zhonghe said, “The same old drill. You write the word in your mind. Remember, you have to write it in your mind. With my third eye, I’ll naturally know what you have written. Then, with this word, I will read your fortune.”

Centurion Li said, “Okay, then I shall start to write it in my heart.”

Yun Zhonghe silently meditated in his mind. Patient Sixteen, possess me.

In the end, there was no response.

Number Sixteen, you psychopath, possess me!

Still, no response!

I… I… Holy sh*t!

What’s the meaning of this? You’ve been at my beck and call this whole time!

Number Twenty-Three, Da Vinci, possess me.

Still no response.

Number Eight, Beethoven, you psychopath, possess me.

Still no response.

Sh*t, sh*t, sh*t! Dear Psychopaths, please don’t mess with me.

This was an actual emergency. It was a matter of life and death.

In short, no matter how Yun Zhonghe summoned them, none of these psychopaths appeared in his body.

Could this be them being affected by their male hormone cycle? So, every month, would there be a few days where they did not feel like turning up for work?

At that time, Centurion Li Tian said, “Sir, I have finished writing the word in my mind. You can read my fortune now!”

Shucks. Without the mind-reading skills of Patient Sixteen, how was he going to figure out a fortune?

Err, Centurion Li, if I say it is my time of the month and that I’m feeling a little unwell and do not want to go to work, you… Would you accept this explanation?

Probably not, I would guess.

After watching Yun Zhonghe remain unresponsive for a long time, Centurion Li frowned and said, “Sir, I have finished writing the word in my mind. So, tell me, what is the word that I have written? Then you can start reading my fortune for me.”

Yun Zhonghe still did not respond. Instead, he closed his eyes, pinched his fingers, and pretended to do his job as a fortune-teller.

What was that line? Calm on the outside but panicking on the inside.

You d*mn psychopaths, are you all trying to get back at me? Are you all jealous of my good looks?

After a dozen or more attempts, Patient Sixteen, who was capable of reading minds, still had not possessed him.

Centurion Li’s voice had changed, and the look in his eyes became gloomy and cold. “Sir, I have finished writing my word. Start reading the divination for me,” he said.

His hands then instinctively gripped the hilt of his sword.

If Yun Zhonghe could not come up with an accurate reading of the word he had in mind, it would prove that he was a liar. Then he couldn’t blame Centurion Li for becoming hostile.

I am a stately official centurion. Killing a charlatan like you would be even easier than killing a dog.

Yun Zhonghe’s eyes were still shut, and his fingers were pinched.

Li Tian secretly began counting down in his heart. “Ten, nine, eight…”

When he had finished counting down, if Yun Zhonghe still did not open his mouth to say something, he would make his move and kill him.

How could a charlatan like him actually dare to mess around with a centurion of the city guards?

Those psychotic patients still had not come to possess him. And it was not only Number Sixteen, the Ghost who could read minds. Not a single one of those psychotic patients had come to possess him.

Yun Zhonghe opened his eyes and took a deep breath.

Now he would have to rely on his own wisdom and luck.

“Three, two, one!”

Centurion Li’s countdown ended. He discretely drew his sword by half an inch and said coldly, “Mr. Yun, I am done writing that word in my mind. Haven’t you opened your third eye? Let’s start the fortune-telling. What is that word? And what kind of trouble am I facing? How should I resolve it?”

“If you give a correct fortune, I will send this silk pouch over to the residence of the castellan and personally hand it to Master Jing Wubian. If you go wrong in your reading, then I’m sorry. Fighting against corruption and superstition is a compelling responsibility of the bureau of city guards, so don’t blame me for being ruthless and cruel!”